Episode 04 Laurie and Tantrism

The meeting in Pirmasens at Laurie and Dan’s.

Laurie and Dan lived in Pirmasens in Palatinate. To avoid arousing suspicions with Francoise, Pierre claimed a bicycle training a little more serious than usual to lunch around 11 a.m. and leave Strasbourg around noon. He left the car near Drachenbronn. Radars that can be seen from afar are good landmarks in the landscape. He cycled up the collar and then through Lembach and Bitche, he drove towards Pirmasens. The small road that is guided in a valley by the meanders of the river lends itself to the use of large braquets. Pierre preferred to roll smoothly and kept his 52×17 sound throughout, sometimes with a few 52×15 portions. Crossing the palate forest is conducive to daydreaming and Pierre tried to dream the future encounter with this Laurie with well thought out mysteries.

Pirmasens is located on the edge of a plateau. The city is facing west and the natural gap that separates it from the country of Bitche represents as a remnant of a not-so-distant era where the two strongholds faced each other. The road to get there from Bitche goes straight, without bends. Peter chose to settle down and put on a 42×21 gusset. He climbed patiently holding his breath because he didn’t want to appear out of breath in front of Laurie.

Besides, how was she going to appreciate the fact that he came by bike? Pierre began to think, the bicycle on this point is a wonderful instrument to think and dream. On a Saturday at 2:30pm, you couldn’t come in your evening clothes yet! It’s time for relaxation, sports… And then Laurie didn’t tell him to come and do window shopping… the serious things would happen in another outfit where having left his jersey and shorts, he would be in a more presentable outfit!

With a light heart, he reached the old town and headed for the church. He took the street that came at the foot of the stairs that go up to the gate. These staircases are separated by a waterfall that goes down in the middle. They are quite stiff, just cut halfway up by a small platform. Together with the waterfall and the flowers arranged on terraces, they form an antique decor, like a Roman theater.

Pirmasens centre ville escaliers et cascades
Blick auf den Schlossplatz von Pirmasens (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Laurie stood on the steps, in the middle of the first part of the stairs. She was in jeans and was wearing a purple tank top. She did not recognize Peter and it was only by the signs that he told her that she deduced that it was him. It was a Saturday when the shops closed at 2 pm and at 2:30 pm the streets were almost deserted. The risk of confusion was reduced accordingly.

The continuation of the meeting of soulmates among the eternal feminine.

– Where did you come from like that?

– I told Françoise that I was going to ride a bike and you can testify, I did not lie!

That answer brought Laurie back to the same realities.

– Dan has been on the move since Tuesday, he will return next weekend, just in time for the weekend in Baden. He is training to supply a disaster-stricken population that is 300 km from here. He soon wants to retire from the army to become a private helicopter pilot in Aspen, Colorado… refueling mountain chalets, dropping skiers on the nephews, he only dreams about that… he is getting tired of throwing food packets at populations that warlords are crushing and massacring like at home in the Middle Ages… whereas for Dan, it would be so simple to capture these bandits! You see, that’s a bit why we need to love each other with other couples… it’s a way to compensate!

– what did you bring me here for?

– for love and poetry, i thought i heard you say that these two can never be separated!

Pierre had thought before coming back to her, he had weighed the pros and cons of Laurie’s psychological activity and he asked her this question:

– can you tell me what Freud did shortly before his death?

– what do you mean?

– well what!…what did he say about his work? what else did he write?

– ah! I think I know what you’re getting at!…no! no!…I’m not who you think I am!…I know very well as you and so many others, that on the eve of his death, Freud has reneged on a good part of his work, especially everything related to Thanatos and to a certain perception of evil… the repression of evil cannot be the glue of a society!… and the unconscious is not the trash of our mind or our perceptions!

Phew! Pierre relaxed… he had once had an argument with a young psychiatrist who kept talking about Freud and did not know then, had not wanted to admit that Freud had disowned an important part of his work. Even if a few years later, Pierre had learned that this psychiatrist was entering the register of unemployed doctors, this memory still chilled him in the back so much the verbal violence that had occurred, had been acute! It would have been a shame to get to this point with Laurie! And he smiles to reward the deserving disciple. She got up and they both went to Laurie’s house.

 – what do you think? that i’m an idiot?…because i have a beautiful ass! … yes, I know, a little less than your wife’s… because I have heavier breasts than her, a sex that has been able to welcome you well, I would be for the rest a pocket and not a shakti? … what do you think?

And from pound to pound, soothing, he replied:

– i believe in you, daughter of heaven and earth, of the visible and invisible world!… never in such a short time have i exchanged so much with someone. Do you remember those words from Frantz? …if the reality of the dream is sharing… then i say that the reality of sharing is happiness!

Laurie showed her cheerfulness and mischievousness, but could only give this teasing answer:

– Frantz and you, you will end up faggots as you seem to get along!

– don’t be jealous! … if you want a lecture on narcissism, homosexuality or the free love of artists, I can cause you one night during and in the morning, it is between your thighs that I will be… not between those of another man!

– how did you say it again? The eternal feminine from whom everything comes! 

They discussed for a moment how everyone imagined this journey to the eternal feminine from whom everything comes. As time went by, Laurie wanted to be more serious, attentive to her goal of properly assessing the scope of the poet’s words. Pierre felt this desire to probe and judge him. He was not offended by his partner’s claim. Very few people had agreed to listen to him to the end of his monologs and he had resigned himself to becoming a lone wolf. He couldn’t lose that Laurie to such a benevolent presence. At the end of a street, he looked around. They were alone. Imperceptibly while chatting, they had crossed part of the city and arrived at the gate of an American army barracks. Across the street, the shops were called “stores” or “shop”… we were in the States! Pierre hastened to finish his remarks before the discussion moved on to other topics.

Laurie Marleen

 He was sitting on the horizontal bar of his bicycle and the gestures that as the discussion or rather his monolog grew, began to unbalance him especially that with the shoe-holds, his feet did not have perfect stability on the ground. Laurie took advantage of a moment of hesitation at Pierre’s house as he tried to find the thread of his presentation to place what she wanted to tell him for a few minutes.

 – you see, this is where Dan works!

 Pierre felt confused to have to return to the reality of the present moment. So he observed this present which should measure his words and reassure Laurie. He saw the gate of a barracks, the post of a street lamp and at the foot… Laurie! He let the light run through his head for a moment, and he laughed, happy! … he found a song for his muse. Slowly but gravely he sang him these words of circumstance while explaining to him by gestures the relation of these words with the present situation:

 -” Vor der Kaserne, vor dem grossen Tor, stand eine Laterne, und steht sie noch davor, so woll’n wir uns da wiedersehn, bei der Laterne woll’n wir stehn, wie einst Laurie Marleen, wie einst Laurie Marleen “

After a pause and eyes in the eyes, he resumed:

– wie einst?…wie einst?

and amazed, she deigned to sing:

– Laurie Marleen!

He continued:

– ” and in the dark night, our bodies hugged, were only a shadow, when I kissed you, we exchanged ingenuously, play against cheek many oaths, both Lili Marleen, both Laurie Marleen “

After this very disturbing evocation of the highlight of their first meeting, she took him by his waist and embraced him, they headed to Laurie. After a few steps, with a small, light and flute soprano voice, she sang:

– ” aus dem stillen Raume, aus der Erde Grund, hebt mich wie im Traume, dein verliebter Mund, wenn sich die späten Nebel dreh’n, werd ich bei der Laterne steh’n, mit dir?…mit dir?”

and he, in the same smile, said to him:

– Laurie Marleen!

He put down his bicycle and hugged him fiercely, and as he walked he continued their song:

– “This tender story of our dear twenty years, sings in my memory, despite the days of the years, it seems to me to hear your step, and I hug you, Laurie Marleen, Lili Marleen!”

Together and at the top of their lungs, they sang a good half a dozen times in all the tones of “Laurie Marleen”. 

Both admitted in their hearts that such an agreement was exceptional… how far could it go? Yet it was not yet time to ask such questions. The first, Laurie broke the charm of their song:

– you are incorrigible! … come on! we’ll have sex, we’ll talk later!

Shakti prepares to celebrate their love

The large apartment had far too many rooms for the sole need of the couple without children. In one of these rooms, Laurie had installed an altar where the reproduction of a bronze of Shiva dancing with a circle of flames was presided over.

She went into the darkness to light an oil lamp. Pierre discovered a large mat at the foot of the altar and a little closer, a large bed on the floor. On one wall, there were several shelves. Laurie stopped by the oil lamp and quickly threw away her clothes. Naked, she saw Pierre’s questioning look land on a shelf. She showed him the pots of oil and ointments with which Dan and she massaged each other: the nard for the hair, the keora for the cheeks and neck, the champa and hina for the breasts, the musk for the belly, the sandal for the thighs, the khus for the feet, the jasmine for the hands. She asked him to approach to smell the aromas. In one corner, several basins made of earth, iron or copper also questioned the layman.

– Pierre, take off your clothes, put them there and now watch me. I’ll prepare for love, then I’ll prepare you and then you’ll massage me.

She stood facing the altar and began her postural exercises, her spine straight. Then Peter heard the variations of his breath. She would block her breathing for long periods and her body would transform, her muscles would swell, relax sometimes downward and sometimes upward. The shakti whispered something incomprehensible and Peter began to find the time a little long. Laurie lay down on the mat to rest for a while and then took two basins into which she poured water and different products. She drank the liquid from the smallest basin and then rolled the muscles of her belly and suddenly pulled it back as if to stick it to her spine. Under the force of effort, she vomits in the other basin.

– i drank a large amount of salt water and did an exercise to facilitate vomiting so as to empty the stomach of the food remains that are still there two hours after the meal. The nutrient portion of the food at this stage of digestion has already passed into the body. There is no point in making it heavier with these remains, which are no longer useful. Now that my stomach is clean, I will also clean another part of my interior.

Laurie got up to take a large iron basin similar to an old bathtub. She filled it with several pitches of water. She asked Peter to come over and see better. She crouched down on her toes so she could have her lower abdomen in the water and then inserted a small, finger-sized tube into the rectum. She let a tip of this pipe overhang and then contracted her sphincter, sucking water into her belly. She took off the tube and stood with her feet apart, her shoulders tilted forward, her knees bent a little, her hands on her thighs, and after emptying the lungs all the way, she pulled the entire abdominal area sharply towards the spine. She isolated and protruded her great rights and then rolled them in a rapid movement so as to circulate the water inside the intestines. She crouched down again to put the tube back in place and expel the water. Satisfied, she dried herself with a towel and went to empty the basins in turn in the bathroom.

The greeting of the heart

– come on, let’s sit on this big mat…approach! I won’t hurt you…let’s look at each other. Place the palms of your hands in a cup in front of you and put your thumbs against your chest. We will do the greeting of the heart, a greeting inspired by the namaste, the oriental ritual greeting that means: “ I honor the god who is in you.”

Peter preferred to give the greeting first.

– i believe in you, daughter of heaven and earth, of the visible and invisible world. I salute the man who animates your soul and is identical to the man who animates mine. He is the one who taught me to love myself in this fleshly body and this human spirit and who silenced the regrets of no longer being in the country of our home, in our eternity of life… Let him teach you to love you in your human body as a woman so that together our bodies celebrate this love and realize it in the sharing of this happy moment in our lives as children of heaven and earth, of the visible and invisible world. I honor the strength he gives you to blend into me, Laurie, daughter of God, ready to make all the emotions of your flesh vibrate so that I give you the same emotions with my flesh.

Laurie cut him off, as a poet is talkative even in these moments. She bent forward. She opened her mouth to form an O with her lips and emitted the sound Aum. She let the sound come from the depths of her belly until it slowly emerged, resonating. At the end of its expiration, it closed its lips to humming the M part of the sound.

Massage prepares them for sexual union

She then asked Pierre to lie on the mat and she proceeded to massage it with ointments. She placed him between his thighs, put his buttocks on his and massaged his back and neck, she told him how Dan appreciated the fact that after such an enema, he could without any contraindication, make love to her, take her from behind and return to her sex or mouth at the whim of his own or her own desires. No embarrassment should limit their desire for sexual union and wasn’t this preparation that Hindu and Asian women had been making for millennia appropriate to favor multiple embraces?

She asked Pierre to confirm that often with her partner, they were embarrassed by the scatological turn that anal love could take when they were not looking for this scatological aspect but for a wider dimension of their carnal union. Laurie said that she wanted to teach the other women in the group these techniques and she confessed her fantasy of being caught by three men at a time who, like a wheel, would rotate long in each of its orifices, her inner cleanliness guaranteeing the pleasure of lovers.

Anticipating Peter’s question, she admitted that at the Amadeus and Regina club, she had been well taken by three men at a time but there had been no wheel; once a first pleasure had been taken by each, the embrace had been broken. Amadeus had not had the idea of offering these enema utensils. To stay on the wheel, she also recounted that she had been surprised by Werner’s proposal for the erotic game. That knowledge of the merits of the circle of drunkenness and delight was indeed part of the common knowledge of all peoples.

When Pierre was very moved by these massages and these words, she asked him to massage her and she continued to talk to him about what they could do as new erotic experiences in their club.

Love union

When she felt sufficiently excited for her taste by the massages of Peter, she played sensually with him and then made him lie on his back. Finally she came upon him to lead the love union.

She faced him when she took him in his sex, she turned her back when she took him in his anus, her gestures were calculated to keep the tension of his lover at the highest stage without him ejaculating then, lying on his back, she let him do it. The pleasure stored in the body of the lover was restored to her in violent and wild impulses that led her to the first orgasms. When she felt that the lover was going to fail and could not hold back, she pulled back her pelvis to get the penis out of her sex. With one hand she tightened the base of the penis and with the other made a compression point on the perineum. She waited until her lover relaxed to release her pressure points and draw her back to her.

She put her hands up against the wall, her kidneys stretched out. She faced him upright and once caught, she clasped the waist of his legs and swung on his arms, she came and went on the sex of his lover. Eyes in eyes, her lightness called their love union to another flight away from this reality. She repeated compression points several times to prevent her lover from spreading inside her and then decided to stop having sex. Smiling, she enjoyed the remark of her lover who regretted, despite the intense pleasure taken, not having ejaculated. Laurie was amused and serious, and told him that in order to reach samadhi, the yogin must possess the art of stopping and that the shakti must help him. Peter took his breath away!

The red-tailed ship for a long-distance journey.

The afternoon was already well under way when they decided to get up from bed.

Pierre realized that he had interfered in the daily life of Laurie and Dan and this embarrassed him. Why did they decorate this room like this? That question seemed inappropriate to him. In this setting where everything had a story, a story that concerned only Laurie and Dan, he felt no size to introduce in such a short time a new story, that of Laurie and Pierre.

He offered Laurie to go out and talk in a more convenient place. She suggested that a large red sandstone rock overlooking the landscape would be better for their exchange. She decided to go on one of the rocks of the castle of Alte Dahn about fifteen kilometers from Pirmasens. The castle dates back to the thirteenth century and although abandoned, was destroyed by the troops of Louis XIV. Only a few sections of wall remain here and there among the three sets of sandstone rocks.

After long walking along the electrified fence of a US army ammunition depot, the road brought them to Dahn and they went up to the castle. They settled on the northeast-most rock. The view overlooks some clearings where peasants cultivate fields and meadows. All around to the horizon, the Vosges du Nord forest, married to the Palatinate forest, forms like a stormy sea dug into multiple valleys on the edges of which the cuts made by men appear as lighter stains similar to froth.

Dahn château en ruines
Castle Group Alt-Dahn – Grafendahn – Tanstein

On this red sandstone ship that the west wind grows and heckles, you are the departing pilot for a long-distance journey. Peter hugged her against him. They let their gaze be lost among the valleys, the mutated lines that make this immense forest of dark fir trees less sinister. Laurie spoke first. 

– you’re still a sulker? All because you didn’t ejaculate, because I stopped you with a well-known technique! Would you have liked to ejaculate in my sex, my ass, my mouth, on my breasts?

– no, Laurie, I’m wondering about more important things. Maybe you’re right to hold on to these tantric rituals and techniques so much. In any case, I give you credit for using this language, this vocabulary to talk in such a detailed and precise way about these moments of carnal love so intense that they allow to consider sexual love as an initiatory path.

Our Judaeo-Christian civilization has largely expurgated such descriptions and rites from its language so as to no longer allow personal initiation. I agree with you that our bodies can engage in moments of carnal union so deep that they awaken primary energies capable of taking them to ecstasy, transcendence and enlightenment.

I agree with you that this illumination is unique and always the same no matter how far we have come to get there. You’re right: far better than engaging in scholarly intellectual exercises to break the limits of the mind, the body can carry us there just as much, knowing that to do so, it takes the energy of two opposing bodies intensely unifying in the same consciousness of an absolute. In doing so, our bodies provide us with a beneficent pleasure and strengthen a human love that is an exact reflection of divine love, incomparable gains that the spirit is not able to give us! You’re right, Laurie, but if you leave it at that and don’t go any further, in my eyes you’re wrong!

Return to Illumination.

For Peter, all of this had to do with involution, with the march to the depths of oneself to capture in oneself the force that gives us enlightenment. If Laurie admitted that he had been at the end of his path and that he had met enlightenment, why invite him to redo this involution in another way? Certainly it was very pleasant for him to have sex with Laurie but he felt it was not necessary because he had no need to return to enlightenment. On the contrary, as Laurie had said, he had to overcome his fear or nonchalance to finally speak, tell, instruct others about what he had learned during his enlightenment!

Pierre told his companion that from the age of ten to a little over twenty he had written poems, various texts. The first time he went to Paris, it was to sign a publishing contract in a house of Saint Germain des Prés and this gesture already had meant that he was drawing a line on poetic writing now that he had experienced enlightenment.

Oh sure, other than this publication, he hadn’t taken the stage much to talk to others and he was still a kind of steppe wolf but if Laurie wanted to help her, she would now do it in a much more public perspective on the path of her evolution to him and then to her to show that humans and nature, the cosmos are different faces of the same reality.

Should he start writing new, revealed books? Peter for the moment lived serenely in his small circle of ease but he had to open up to the world and live there just as serenely and this was much more difficult. But that was his path and that was the role he saw for Laurie than to push him more firmly.

Laurie had shown him techniques of involution, but he needed an answer on the question of how to evolve towards others to communicate his message to them. The poet needs only a little perseverance and foresight to trace the thread of his source and find the presence of the one who speaks in him. The important thing is to get to know and master this presence capable of overwhelming the mind to impose a divine reality so captivating and beneficial.

Pierre apologized for not embarking on a course here on poetry, especially on suggestive poetry and why not on a certain way to reconsider descriptive poetry… later he was willing to do it.

– the tone of your voice is sad when you talk about your poetry

– yes, poetic writing was used to create encounters with the voice that lives in me then i experienced four accidents that each could have killed my carnal body. I did not see them coming, and these circumstances today are unspeakably stupid.

These accidents took place, one without any witnesses, the other with the trace of my skin stuck on an oil stove, another in the presence of a hundred people but each time I got up without hurting even when the blood covered my face. Each time, I resumed normal behavior and the others concluded that it was not serious, that it was not much, an event that can be forgotten immediately.

Each time, it was through dialog with my voice that I got through it.

She was the one who ordered me to go back to my earthly life, making sure I wouldn’t get hurt, that my body wouldn’t keep track of the accident. Once the doctors spoke of a miracle, a miracle that only nature can accomplish. I was lucky like others, in this case, often don’t.

That’s not true. There was no miracle. I crossed the skylight. I was back home, back home, but I was not allowed to stay. My poetry is sad, Laurie, because I knowingly asked permission to stay. I asked to be able to wait for the return of the face of my last human existence to penetrate beyond the mirror, beyond this celestial antechamber and reach my true abode of eternity. Oh, I have made a reason for myself, a very human reason but I still wonder why this divine presence wanted me to continue my earthly existence. My poetry died out in this unbearable interrogation… I was beautifully at home. Never on earth, even in the most poetic, loving ecstasy, will I be able to approach this moment of absolute, incommunicable happiness.

– I understand. I accept the word ecstasy you use. It is indeed an experience of the relationship, an experience of the meaning revealed and revealed. The Oriental mystics, the Buddhists, consider ecstasy not as the experience of the relation to a whole other but the experience of the fusion in the whole, experience not of transcendence but of immanence.

The Buddhist sage

I’m having a hard time following you. You speak your voice like any other and yet the way you express yourself on this fusion between her and you, the way you still seem totally in this ecstasy, let me think that you are not very far from a Buddhist conception and that you can understand what I say about tantrism. Allow me to ask you a few questions. Did these moments of supernatural encounter help you find meaning in your life?

– no, absolutely not

– good. The meaning of life is not a good question indeed. On this issue, there are two points of view. Life can’t make sense because nothing is outside of it. This is a materialist point of view that rejects all transcendence. On the other hand, Buddhism says that all meaning is in life and for the wise, there is no meaning of life.

– you reassure me, i am already at the level of a buddhist sage

– but as a poet who still lives between heaven and earth, are you in immanence, in the here and now? Every philosophy of immanence must reach this conclusion: if life has a meaning, it is to rid us of the illusion of the ultimate and absolute meaning of existence.

– as a poet, at twenty years old i wrote a book against philosophy and i am faithful to my ideas of twenty years. But writing remains the trace of a deep tear…

– go for philosophy but then you must also be against religions. Yet you speak of a divine presence, you speak of heaven, you speak of the migration of the soul. Is that where your tear is? Religions are an absolute subject. By following a religion, the whole of life can easily find meaning since it refers to an external and superior sign: God. The meaning of life is then to serve God, to work to his glory. All life then becomes the sign of this transcendent ideal. Have you never interpreted your encounters as the starting point of a vocation to fulfill responsibilities in a religion?

– no, i cannot accept such a framework. I can’t fit into any religious movement. From the first sentence I would utter, there would be priests and faithful to accuse me of blasphemy. But it’s not that simple, a poet has things to say to those who believe in a religion… Rimbaud in his enlightenment says things and we might one day discuss them.

– Not everything is very clear… Granted: today, the three traditional big answers have lost the power to build collective support. There are no more cosmos that are the foundation of wisdom. This wisdom which tells man how to find his place in the order of nature, among the divine laws.

There is no longer a common faith in a deity capable of redeeming and saving our human existence. There are also no longer great utopias advocating equality, human brotherhood, communism. Philosophy nowadays would rather describe a secular religion, a universal ethic capable of being the common denominator of social, political, and economic rules. We have to stop somewhere.

Pierre, you will agree, either we have found an absolute or we have understood that there is no absolute meaning to be found because the absolute is the whole of reality, nature. In this case, only the fusion experience is possible, even if it is short. It arises only in moments of simplicity, peace, harmony that hardly lasts. I’m talking to you about melting, not tearing. I know the traces of these human tears caused by wars, violence of all kinds. The ones I treat are torn apart and there is little possibility of reclaiming some semblance of human identity.

Your poet’s tear seems very peculiar and light… you’re in good health, right?

– obviously if you measure that against the worst atrocities committed by men. The silence of the people you’re talking about is excusable. They are afraid to consciously or unconsciously see the faces of their tormentors, to hear their voices. Broken by the first executioners, they are the natural prey for other executioners who would only have to complete the work of death that tore them apart in this way.

On the one hand, the poet’s tear is worse: no face is imaginable for this presence that has invaded him. The voice: it’s inside us, Laurie, but how can we find it through our own will? Everything is present in us, however, it is up to each of us to find the courage and the art to reveal this presence. The poet knows that if he does not speak, he does not make this sacred word fruitful and he wastes the time of his survival to illumination… he does not evolve.

Will he be saved again when he dies? How can we accept this doubt when enlightenment, the encounter with the supernatural has filled it with indelible certainties… Laurie, the patients you’re treating are entitled to human compassion, and God knows who’s guilty of these crimes. I am not afraid for their salvation at the moment of their death.

The requirements of evolution in our human condition for an insider to life after human life

The poet’s tearing has nothing to do with good health. She has only one question: what to do with this death left to her when it could already have been in the other world for a long time? How can we die so that this death attests in an indisputable way that the tear has given way to reconciliation between the human and the divine?

– i am talking to you about fusion during our human existence with other dimensions of our presence. I’m not trying to figure out how to die.

– These moments of harmony, peace and wisdom are not the conditions for fusion. They are the result. I don’t know how to bring about the merger I’m talking about.

Each time, it was an unthinkable expenditure of energy. Each time, either through poetic writing or by accident, the fusion took place outside my fleshly body, in a state of decay. And if I know how to reproduce the way of arriving in a state of decay, this technique is of no use to me because nothing tells me that then I will have the energy to cross the well of light and access where I want to go.

It does not depend on me but on goodwill, on the willingness to be dear to meet me to infuse me with the supernatural force with which they act. I can ask them or I can let them do it, but there has to be a specific reason.

The thirst for supernatural knowledge is not an acceptable motive. The desire to help someone you love and need may be enough, as may the desire to save your own personality. Laurie, these are not mystical or secular philosophical considerations. It’s about understanding my human condition as a survivor, passing that experience on to those who are interested. To overcome my tear and therefore my writing.

I think back to those wise men who never wrote but whose words were passed on to us: Socrates, Krishna, Hebrew prophets but also Jesus. Is it because they didn’t write that they overcame their rift? That they’ve reconnected with their enlightenment? To me, the answer is clear. It’s yes!

You are right to understand that my words are not limited to Christianity or Buddhism.

If Christianity is about hope, Buddhism would be a wisdom that learns to free itself from it. That’s right, I’m not talking about hope or wisdom.

The poet changes life in our human condition.

My poetic experience tells me to change life, here and now, in immanence and I seek the strength capable of ensuring for others a human translation of this extraordinary encounter that gave me a testimony of absolute love.

I hope nothing, I want to love and be left free to love without coming immediately to cover me with ridicule, sarcasm, sordid idiocy.

I’m not the happy idiot. I’m a poet. When God speaks, he must be answered. Musset worked on it long before Rimbaud.

I’m not afraid to talk, whether he hears me or not!

Fear and hope are the primary forms of suffering and fear. I don’t know the suffering and fear, I only know the suffering and fear that live among others and it hurts me to see them so badly manage to live without getting rid of them even at the moment of their death… They can’t even leave them in agony… And if I’m a survivor, someone forbade me to die when I wanted to stay close to him.

Am I responsible for the despicable way others live their lives, out of fear that they exorcize by sowing crime and misery around them? Am I responsible for not helping those like me who have already lived in their human existence, these eternity dimensions of life after human life?

– Pierre, it’s not just fear and hope to give up in your life.

The message of Tibetan Buddhism is clear: all our sufferings and those we inflict on others, are linked to the fact that we constantly attach ourselves to people or things in life, it is change and impermanence that are the rule.

I can recite to you from memory the Tibetan book of life and death: the ideal condition for dying is to have abandoned everything, internally and externally so that there is at that moment, the least possible envy, desire and attachment to which the spirit can cling. Before we die, we should free ourselves of all our possessions, friends and family.

– this is not false but for me it remains imprecise and confusing. When I asked to stay and be allowed to go home, nothing on the ground prevented me from doing so. It was indeed a divine presence that denied me this access. Of course, my soul had not recovered the image of my last human existence, but it was only a one-off question.

There was a refusal and my mind had to separate from the divine plot, from my soul. It is not necessary to free ourselves from our friends and families, on the contrary if we could train each other to die, to succeed in the fusion of spirit and soul when our carnal envelope ceases to live… that there is no doubt but certainty, a complete dialog of soul for soul… what success, what joy!

Is it forbidden by God, is it outside our human possibilities, or do we have everything we need to achieve this fusion? I’m saying we have that opportunity.

Oh Laurie, I don’t care to admit with Christianity that each of us has a personal soul and to believe in the unique and irreplaceable individuality of each person. I know that Buddhism considers this the ultimate illusion.

I don’t care about those considerations. What do we do with the action? There is the involution, the discovery of God within us. I’m speaking to you with this conventional language from religious catechism. An insider is not talking about any God!

I’m talking about the encounter with the mysteries of Life, with the energy of Life, the energy they used to bring me back to Earth when I had cut off all the links with my fleshly body as this is required to continue the encounter after coming out of the well of light.

This necessary action to cut all ties with our human condition is described in the Kalachakra rite also called the myth of Shambhala. This is the condition for gaining access to what I call life after human life, in Shambhala or elsewhere on other planets as two of them were proposed to me.

Use the powers of the higher world.

We feel and experience that we are eternal. After this return to planet Earth, this spiritual force pushes us to act in our human condition to transform our surroundings as it has transformed our hearts.

are you looking for a fight? you wouldn’t be a bellicose mystic, a future soldier monk still looking for a crusade?

– can we just stand alone in his corner… you’re going to tell me to take a page out of Siddhartha and go to the fisherman’s cabin on the banks of the great river… that the others will choke with a bestial hatred doesn’t interest you.

They will not be saved when they die, they will attach themselves too much to their victory or ruminate too much their defeat to arrive at the fusion of their spirit with the soul and thus win their dwelling of eternity.

In fact, we have not discussed it. But where does the spirit come from?

Of a particular and efficient functioning of the neurons of our brain developed through intellectual exercises? How could this production take over a dimension of eternity? By simple fusion with the soul?

Can’t the soldier or the brigand who has reached the fisherman’s cabin force the ascetic who meditates there? Would it be mere chance that he was killed by the soldier? Should he be indifferent to his fate? Should it defend its message so that it can be passed on to others?

Laurie, my poetry is a struggle, a struggle to find the moments of my creation, of my encounters and when I write, there is another who acts.

There are presences that manifest themselves, they were within me and I call them memories, they discover new and I call them emotions, they speak of a future and I put them among dreams.

I can only measure things, as Nietzsche said: I am indeed a man of things. So I want to let these correspondences continue, these metamorphoses, to see them grow not to become a superman but to use the supernatural forces that I have become aware of.

Laurie, you know that the first advice given by a spiritual master to a young disciple is to take care of the supernatural powers which, if they are not mastered, lead straight to madness and destruction of human life.

But it is the observation that these forces exist and that the successful path of a spirituality can go as far as the use of these forces not to destroy but to save… the proof that saving is possible consists in transforming the death of our body into a victory of life, to witness another life all eternity.

– who do you want to save and from what? Pierre, do you realize what you’re saying?

– yes, but you are the first to hear it out loud. I know I can talk to you about it.

I saw you cleansing your belly before you took in my sex. I also know that your mind is pure and that he will not misunderstand my words. I’m not asking you to agree with me today or tomorrow, but I want you to know that this is the goal of the path I’m following.

The path of the poet-yogin for his Shakti.

That’s where I’m going to take you.

I realized that I must go and try the mystery of eternal life and a particular encounter of this mystery with our earthly existence called the resurrection. My faith as a survivor taught me to re-read the example of Jesus and I find there the marks of the feeling I kept on returning from the abode of my soul.

But it’s not just Jesus. I have a Pharaoh’s face from the most remote times and a Druid’s face from the same times as images of what I’m looking for.

I believe that a message has survived from those ancient times and that today, through archeological discoveries, we can begin to penetrate it better.

A person’s encounter with God or with the voice that lives in him does not take hours and years. But to continue one’s human existence in conformity with the message received requires common work, sharing and progress in the transformation of the nature in which we have been placed.

You can’t ignore the collective plan, you have to go or you won’t have used your talents. Your message will have remained dead letters.

We must use the sword and put it in the custody of the sacred and above all not abandon it to the hands of the bandits and warlords. There’s a choice to make.

For my part I know that the message I received can live then it will live.

Laurie, read books about the early Christians, the Quumran community, the Church of Jerusalem and seeks to understand how this message could defeat the barbaric mores of the Roman Empire: slavery, cruel circus games, religions in the service of greedy interests and sectarian and ungodly morals.

Of course, the alliance of this message with the Roman imperial power has not yielded anything that is not convincing because we also know that it is this imperial power that at the Council of Nicea began to tamper with the writings and testimonies of the first Christians.

That’s a key question: how do we connect this kind of message with political, economic and social power? This bond at every second sweats the imagination of the poet, of the enlightened. How do you make it visible and acceptable to others?

– you are a poet, you dream out loud but you are consistent. You’re not telling me any sweetness. I understand what you’re looking for.

I will follow you but I will continue my tantric rites.

They will never take me as far as you claim to realize, but day after day, they make me progress towards my happiness with my body as a young woman, my sexuality and my pleasure, my spirit and what I respect because it allowed me to have an extraordinary intimate relationship with my father who had just died.

The few sick people who died while I was watching them didn’t allow me to find such a meeting… I’ll follow you. I trust you and I love you… my love as yours for me, can not be limited to the daily ties of a common life. This club that we are going to build must provide us with the places and moments of our future meetings where we can give free rein to our love…

– yes, Laurie, to our crazy love! But it’s the only love I can now live on this earth. It is a love of the survivor and I will make you discover the one who makes this love live between us.

You will see, we will leave together… together it will be easier, we will show them our love, oh! not to the people near us, no, they will not understand… we will show our love to the dear presences that come to us to help us cross the well of light and they will help us much more than once there when, a little lost, they have led me to my house of eternity.

I’ll show them that I’ve managed to talk to someone, to give them that faith that crosses death and opens us eternity.

We will show them our love and they will accept us. They will let us come to recharge our batteries in our eternal home.

Oh, we will not gain absolute knowledge, understanding of the mysteries that face human beings. No, no, no. We will seek to obtain these supernatural powers with which we will force others to question themselves, to take into consideration in their reflection the enrichment that they can find in a spiritual journey to define their reasons for living and dying, to take confidence in the resources of their human existence to find love, the love that we manifest in these dear presences that inevitably help us to cross the well of light, this divine love that shapes the human love that our mind and body bear witness to those whom we have chosen as fellow travelers on earth.

In this club, we will walk with our friends but we will also have the opportunity to find moments just for us… I will take you Laurie.

He can’t refuse us entry. It’s not possible. On the contrary, he only expects that… that I will come with you now that I have found you…

I know you’re thinking about Françoise. He won’t mind me not running with her. These words cannot be shared with everyone and I do not have the power to impose them on my wife against her will.

Death in the separated moments she chooses for us, will give us the opportunity to meet again. This is the usual path of those who love each other and know that this love continues to live after the death of the carnal body. I make no breach of my love for Françoise by loving you and moving with you on another more direct and particular path that requires a very intimate exchange and sharing of the same faith.

Don’t worry, he won’t come and tell me I’m the wrong woman, that we have to turn him over for me to leave you and bring Françoise back.

No, I do my job as a poet, as a survivor, just as I do my responsibilities as a husband. He cannot ask me to wait until the time comes to find the one who will follow me on both paths at the same time. I’ll still be an old boy today and never, never would have been allowed to enter Amadeus and Regina and never would have been able to meet you.

– slowly, you have no account to settle on this subject with the one who lives in you and is the same in each of us. Everyone knows I’m not going to break your couple and likewise, I’m not going to let you break mine. Like Françoise, Dan will understand what’s happening to us. By the way, if I’m following you correctly, our spiritual journey is not going to last for years and years. You’re going into business very quickly and if I push you again, there won’t be for centuries and centuries but do you think our experience can change anything in this world, stop these killings?

– we will reignite a flame, a light to guide others. We’re not going to light a devastating blaze. Apocalypse is something else. We will show this flame, but the others will also have to take a step towards it. However, with this glimmer we can already begin to change the organization of our group, to build a new society, a new economy. Yes, this we can do.

Our task is to develop paths, paths that lead to initiation and encounter with the mysteries of life:

the direct route of poetic writing,

the path of love ecstasy and the fusion of the courts that is presented to each couple of lovers, to each of our encounters with our soulmates

the mystical path and dialog of the soul for the soul no longer with our poetic writing but from the teachings and testimonies of the initiates who preceded us on this initiatory journey. It is the path of successful prayer in conducive places in nature or buildings built by humans for this spiritual journey that we all feel the need to find our reasons for living our human condition.

The way of overcoming the limits of our carnal body through physical exercise, sport, hiking in nature when at the end of the effort we discover resources, energies, unexpected and new forces to go at the end of the road, cross the border, merge our body and mind to go higher, go further and faster…

He smiled at her like a tease.

– This is also why I came by bike and as a former cyclist. I had to warm up my body to better free my mind and tell you about our initiatory path to human evolution using the powers of the higher world.

From the unreal lead me to the real!

Next weekend in Baden-Baden, he wanted to take his place more as a poet, as a spiritual guide so that their group would quickly arrive together at the same stage of evolution.

He reminded his companion of what she and Anke had said about prayer.

His role was to teach them to pray, to communicate with the afterlife, to communicate together in love and in the discovery of their eternity. Pierre did not know how to plan these exercises… smiling at his beautiful Laurie, he admitted to her that on these points, he preferred to leave it to chance!

One point was taken for granted: their evolution, if it were slowed down, stifled by others, could only begin again and this time, this re-evolution would be good for others and because of them, a revolution!

If their group agreed to listen to the poet, then a movement could start and Peter guaranteed it: they would always know where to go and even behind the horizon, they would see the way… this path of evolution already traced everything in their heart, this heart which from the conception marries the rhythm of the endless life.

He initially proposed to be an instructor to teach the group to grasp the dream and share it together. Laurie hastened to recite the lesson learned from Frantz and Pierre:

– “the reality of the dream is its sharing and the reality of sharing is happiness”… tell me this kind of thing often and i feel that i will love you both even more!

Laurie stood up and raised her hands in an incantatory gesture:

– “From the unreal lead me to the real! From darkness lead me to light! From death lead me to immortality! “

She explained that it was a passage from “Upanishad Brihad-Aranyaka.”

Pierre got up and recited, too. Both were certain that one day these words will be fulfilled before the last breath of their hearts.

They were face to face. They had given themselves as never before. The looks had supported the exchanged words, the hands had clasped the body of the other against his own, caressed and caressed until the certainty of the pleasure of the other.

Their meeting was over. They had just renewed their vows and on Friday evening in Baden-Baden they would be more united after this meeting so as not to get lost in the group.

They kissed tenderly and went down the risky staircase hand in hand, which brought them back to the castle courtyard. It was as if they were coming back to earth.

The afternoon was over. Laurie took Pierre back to his car via Wissembourg. For the return to Pirmasens, Pierre advised him to go through the palatine forest and Bitche.

He did not know how he arrived safely in Strasbourg as Laurie’s presence saturated his mind.

He had to admit that things were gradually coming together. It was her life’s opportunity!

Since he had stopped writing despite the encouragement of his publisher, he had vowed to write one day directly in the hearts of men.

Never, however, had he imagined that a young woman of radiant beauty would surrender to him, that a fairy, a princess, a muse, a Shakti such as Laurie would come to push him to realize these special moments to transform this unreal into a dream, this dream into sharing and this sharing into happiness…

In the evening at home and on his desk, he needed to condense the energy exchanged during this meeting with Laurie into a poetic text. Her poetic source had recorded everything and she wanted to flow, to satisfy the thirst for Life and Love of the poet.


In the breath of your eyes and the voice of your heart
I took the strength to open the door of my life to you
Our hands stroke the heat under our skins
The embrace proves the certainty of our joys

You go back into your dance and our eyes never leave
Life loves us with all its energy
Limitless I travel on your movements
You’re trying to scare me with your screams and your furious gestures
In your eyes you let me read your peace that I must not break

For a long time there are no clothes to disturb us
I don’t even know where your beauty marks are
I don’t need it anymore to stay in sharing
He who lives in me is the same as he who lives in you

They have fun and run through our bodies
Glad we took the time to let them live
Far from the silly fear of our human loves
The four of us will travel together and even more

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