or meeting with Laurie
What was pleasing to Pierre that night was the fact that Laurie was the author of the few lines he had noticed in the guest book at Amadeus and Regina. A young woman who with candor and enthusiasm wrote something like what he still remembered:
The register contained few comments in English besides those written in German. There were more coming from French, Swiss, Dutch, some Swedish. The English who came here were in fact mostly American soldiers stationed either in the Palatinate on the Ramstein, Landsthul or Pirmasens side or on the Heidelberg or Frankfurt side. A testimony was written in Canadian; it was a couple of drivers based in Solingen who had come here to spend last moments in Europe with Europeans. The woman wrote: this last memory would forever be the first in her heart when she thought of Europe!
Pierre and Françoise liked to read these lines. They contained feelings that were very often of vivid sincerity and that could not otherwise be expressed during discussions or exchanges of messages, at the table or in bed. In these lines was found all the heat that had been accumulated during the night in contact with each other.
A warmth that was not wrapped on an intellectual side but was simple, direct, true. As simple and direct and beneficial as when it had manifested itself and had grown mightily in each and every one when they had exchanged it so skin for skin. Pierre de suite, for the first time, had anticipated it: the language he read when he opened this book was much more than the language of words.
Of course he knew well that there is no thought out of words, but the words that appeared here before being inscribed in a sentence, had lived in glances, caresses, embraces, sighs, cravings, kisses. They came out of saliva exchanged, semen and cyprine mixed, sweat transmitted oh not with lots of people! …most often lately because of aids, than with the only conjugal and legitimate partner! …but these words came primarily from the language of bodies. From this language bodies which many poets like Peter had said he was the only one able to convey the truth of beings. It was after perceiving this that the first time they had come here, Pierre had not listened to Françoise who wanted to leave so it was still difficult for her to imagine making love among other couples.
The first night at the club
This first time ever, it was a Friday night. Amadeus told them to come the first time on a Friday night. There would be fewer people and more time and space to fit into the general movement of the house during the evening.
From the entrance and the reception on the doorstep by Amadeus and Regina, you felt that here you were not in a club, even a “pärchen club” but in a vast residence that the masters of the place had arranged for them and those who would like to join them and share a certain way of behaving with others.
Of the two, Amadeus had the most signs capable of expressing their philosophy. Pierre, in order to know human relations well, felt the importance of non-verbal. Immediately what struck him at Amadeus was the short ponytail at the level of his hairstyle as well as his stocky and begiving appearance.
The expression was lively, warm. The words used emphasized extreme politeness, the sense of detail to remove any hassle. The whole movement of the person tended to push you into a climate of trust. The invitation to visit the house and walk freely only confirmed the impression of freedom and tolerance that permeated this man. Pierre, however, brought this impression to more correct proportions. The way her hair was arranged had a typical Hindu connotation. Overweight was a bit more confusing, but one had to quickly dismiss the idea that it represented a sign of wealth so common in Germany. There was an epicurean dye, of course, and Peter understood that it was true epicurism. Man did not stop at a philosophy of universal uncertainty. If his nonchalance could lend itself to a kind of indifference on a judgment between good and evil and in that left his guest free to think what he wanted about what was happening here, this somewhat “Taoism” aspect symbolized by the ponytail had to fade before the extreme rationality around which the house was organized. There was atomic materialism in the way each object was arranged, one side sufficient to recall the intimacy of a home, another equally balanced to show you that here it was the home of other couples and that you had to follow a common rule to eat, to use the self, to undress, to take your towels, to move from one room to another doing what you want, without ever disturbing others.
As he thought about it, Pierre realized that this path of true epicurism was probably the key to the success of this house, even though it was clear that Amadeus and Regina could talk freely about Wilhelm Reich and his theories. Pierre smiled, and liked to think that, like him, Amadeus would reject the excessively clinical aspect of the Reichian experiments, an aspect which had been one of the main causes of failure.
Amadeus bent down in kowtows in front of every door to let Françoise in. It amused Pierre. Françoise faced so much kindness and responded with marks of great satisfaction. You’d think she was taking possession of a luxury home and going through the rooms with the experienced look of the housekeeper who has already moved more than once.
After the restaurant, the small lounges, the large tiled water room and its four Roman-style columns that surround a circular swimming pool that can accommodate a dozen adults, the games room with in one corner the traditional “wash-machine” and in the other corner the view of the outdoor swimming pool, the garden with the bus and then behind the forest, Amadeus planted himself at the foot of the stairs.
He looked straight in Françoise’s eyes to say that there was no visit to the upper rooms, so as not to disturb the couples who were there. She could go up there after taking her clothes off in the locker room next door. Amadeus told her that she had to put on a small panty to go into the restaurant, which made her blush immediately. Pierre burst into laughter and Amadeus also deigned to smile. Françoise, offended, also condescended to laugh at it.
Amadeus beckoned to Peter to come to the counter to pay. Pierre invited Françoise to go to the dressing room, which she refused, not wanting to get naked, alone, in the middle of a room where anyone could happen. She accompanied Pierre, then both returned to the locker room. Pierre began by reading the register of guests and Françoise finding the good excuse to delay the deadline did the same. After a final stormy discussion in which Peter had to be firm, impatience finally took over and they stripped themselves naked.
When they got upstairs, they seized towels. Pierre decided to take a shower first. Françoise accepted, remembering that at the beginning of their meeting, in her student room, Pierre always wanted to make him an intimate toilet. Surprised the first time, she had finally found something good in it, especially under the strokes of her lover’s tongue, offering herself all the more open as she knew she was clean. After a short reflection there, she had agreed to return the favor, trusting in the fact that it was she who washed the sex from him… Beginning this new experience with this old ritual she liked and in the shower, she stretched her buttocks as before!
Deciding to enter a room was not easy! Near the video lounge, the blue room had a glass door with translucent glass. The bodies we saw surrounded themselves with a fluorescent white aura. The process was surprising and captivating. Your partner was somehow illuminated and more than his body, it was his movements, his silhouette that was highlighted. On the ceiling and on the walls, small stars shone, animated by the reflections of the blue fluorescent light. Lying, you were like under the vault of heaven. This piece was actually called “das sternchen-zimmer.”
Pierre wanted to enter but Françoise opposed. All the people passing through the hallway looked into the room and she couldn’t stand it. Showing off! …yes! she said, but only if others do the same! She preferred reciprocity in business and trained in double accounting, she counted what she gave and what she received. Participating in this type of evening was for her to give a lot; she would take precautions to receive a lot as well.
A second bedroom had a full door. Inside, the light was orange. That warm color was an invitation. At the back of the room, the wall was covered with mirrors. There wasn’t much room left. In the middle, a young woman seen from behind was riding a man. Her blond hair waved on her shoulders to the rhythm of the movements of her pelvis. Other couples were settled all around so that one could not see his buttocks. Peter wanted to come in. Françoise closed the door and preferred to see elsewhere. He deduced from this that she was looking for a place where, without doing any prowess, she could still stand out and not be supplanted by another that all would look at. It was in his temperament to always want to be first. Pierre headed down the hall and prepared to open another door. Françoise wanted to open it herself so as not to feel compelled to always follow Pierre and also to try to take as she could a semblance of initiative in the matter.
That’s when Laurie appeared. Svelte, the young woman held behind her in one hand her towel, with her right arm she had opened the door and her gesture had been unbalanced by the movement of Françoise who had also shot at the door. Her head turned sideways to the back and continued the discussion with the man who was following her when she turned around. His gaze plunged towards Françoise to look at her, then over Françoise’s shoulder came to rest in Pierre’s eyes. Then the face started to move again. She laughed loudly and had big, messy gestures like a person at the height of excitement can have. She almost pushed Françoise and passed Pierre like a bolt of lightning.
He did not see Dan go out and remained planted to see the body of this woman move away, who felt looked at and caught a little in fault in this exuberance too obviously displayed, recovered straight and adopted a more skillful approach as befits a woman when she felt in her back the weight of a look. Peter found that she had put her arms forward, so he could see the whole of her back. He could just lay his gaze on his buttocks and legs and the young woman disappeared into the shower room. He saw the man enter and heard the laughter of the woman that the sound of the shower finally suffocated.
Françoise was loudly hailing him and he came into the room. That woman, that expression, her eyes and her eyes dazzled her. Soon, he remembered the back of this body to check that the image had been correctly captured. Certainly, apart from the face and this piercing look, he was missing the image of the front… the breasts, the belly, the fleece but his decision was already made to capture this plan. He looked at the play then.
In that room, Laurie and Dan had sex. On leaving, Laurie was radiant, brimming with vivacity and Pierre had to find that this was the first time he had seen such a radiant face of a woman. This moving, undulating, laughing, talking, gesticulating body, that fried towel that she held in her hand and that she had put under her so as not to stain the sheet, attested to the fact that they had exchanged something that was part of the definition of happiness. This happiness was contained in all the space that came into contact with her. He wasn’t confined to the only smile, he wasn’t confined to the only face that Françoise usually had while lying still on the bed.
Pierre was glad that the evening started so well, so hard. He was a poet who had had enough of the words and stupid games that could be made of them. by the way stupid is the anagram of argument and he had always fought fiercely against the stupidity of people. Then he got tired of watching people on the street, at work, in their cars, risking by omission to crush their fellow man. The accounts of war, massacre and genocide showed him less ordinary aspects of humans, but even the cries of revolt that he had thrown at others as a teenager had finally left him.
The caresses, the pleasures shared with Françoise had revealed to him the essential face that he expected from humans and right now, tonight this young woman came to confirm it in his current quest: to see, to participate and to share moments with others who, if they were successful, would finally convince him and reassure him that there were not only indifferent, wicked strangers on earth. and that communion was possible. He was no longer Brecht looking for the “gute mensch von Sezuan”, here and now he had full eyes the happiness of this young woman after love!
The men’s gaze at women was finished with the arrogance of a cowardice who knows that no other contact will be possible. Here, the women were naked and they did not hide their sex by squeezing their legs. The look you exchanged bore your responsibility: you knew when you looked at her whether or not she would accept your approach. It is up to you to manage to go towards her and if you did not go, then forever you would carry the memory of a missed relationship, of a look that would have been lost, of a touch of light that would have been extinguished and shame on you to ruin life in this way… this life that only required love!
Even more miserable could you be if by your passivity you did not deign to hang the gesture she was making discreetly towards you! Here, you could not stay in yourself, you had to get out of yourself and go to others, starting with the one who shared your life outside these moments!
Seeing and seeing Laurie’s gaze, Peter convinced himself of the promise of communion he found there. Did this communion belong to his companion, was it the continuation, the pursuit of what they had just experienced, or was this communion such that he, Peter, by the mere fact of having crossed it, was now also part of it?
Yes, Peter remembered some Buddhist Tantras and the attitude of Tantrism towards passions.
“It is possible to attain fulfillment by the very same which leads to the fall” and again “Passions lose their impurity character when they become absolute, that is to say elementary forces, like fire, water, earth, wind”.Buddhist Tantras
No, he was not guilty of piercing the bare curves of this female body with his eyes, nor of keeping that expression of sweet happiness read on the face of this young woman. No, he wasn’t a peeping man shaken by a perverse, sickly jealous urge. He had found the marks of perfect happiness and the beauty of this female body further magnified this sudden idea that had taken over his mind: there he held an absolute, a movement of his soul towards this face capable of characterizing an absolute passion. Besides, he felt, behind his passion, the birth of an inordinate force like a fire that ignites everything.
Peter reflected, he recognized the appearance of a Shakti, a goddess and it had to be a goddess of love! He wanted to know the warmth of this woman’s body, when she would start to burn, sweat under him, when her sex would liquefy, that she would grumble with the force with which he would take her. Then he would read on his face, in the shudder of his lowered eyelids, of his open lips, through the last undulations of his body, the vigor of the camber that it would keep for a last moment, the lines of this infinite landscape where he felt it, one future day they could become one.
Peter could not go further in the fleeting unfolding of his thoughts. Françoise wanted it. She had seen that Pierre had been very impressed by the sight of the young woman they had met. She too had perceived the expression of this happiness, but more simply than her husband, she wanted to go with him immediately in search of this same happiness here.
The walls, the sheet, the lighting were cream beige. Françoise stood along the wall on the quilted bench that surrounded the bed. The sheet was stretched without a fold. Laurie and Dan before leaving and certainly Dan alone, had put the room in order. The cleanliness of the place persuaded Pierre that they were dealing with very frequentable people and this further increased his desire to meet them. Françoise with one foot tried to walk on the bed. As the mattress was filled with water, this pressure created instability and she was not sure how to proceed. Pierre took over the operations with pragmatism. He ordered her to leave her bustier and panties, throw the napkin flat in the middle of the bed and lie there. Confidence-building, meekly, she executed. And what is more, Pierre found that, as usual, she had opened her thighs in a comfortable position, neither provocative nor prudish, sufficiently tightened still to let the pleasure of the man to open them to him more widely, sufficiently open so that he could see in what condition his sex was. After trying a few movements and finding the rhythm of a pleasant rocking, she fixed her eyes and her big smile on Peter and naked too, he set out to lie down next to her. The sound of the water splashing around the envelope was crazy. He waited until their positions were stabilized to discover their images on the mirrors of the ceiling and those of the wall opposite.
It was the first time they had seen each other naked. They looked at each other in mirrors, smiled mute, a little awkward. Françoise began to look a little too frequently towards the door, worried that others might enter. Peter then spread his thighs away and made more than usual efforts to make graceful and rhythmic movements with his body, for he saw that she was staring at the ceiling and looking at him behind her back. He then exaggerated her movement and she snorted with laughter while letting her hands play on the back of her lover, her buttocks, like a girl playing in her mirror. Pierre finally took it more savagely. They had gotten used to the mattress that rolled them from side to side. She clung to Peter’s shoulders and squeezed her head. A brief look in which he read all his submission told him that she was ready and he accelerated to discharge himself into her. She didn’t give him time to rest and came upon him as he so loved that she did. Seeing that Peter was also looking at the mirrors, they bent his kidneys and took a longer and wider movement. She came and went with a rare application, her small breasts massaged the chest and sometimes the face of her lover. His gaze was immersed in Peter’s. She tried to read on her face the pleasure he had in every position she took and he tried not to betray himself to make this pleasure last. His two hands clasped on Françoise’s hips, he pushed her to sit very deep on her sex, bent her against him. After having removed her hair from the face, this to better see her, he stroked her buttocks and with his index finger went to meet her penis, seeking through the thin partition of flesh to touch her acorn as for a particular masturbation. She shook her head with pleasure, choking her sobs and words on a mattress that kept shaking under their movements. Peter looked and she, without going to meet this look, knew that he was looking at her, that she showed everything about her as never before had a man been able to see her. She who loved to look at her buttocks in the mirrors, she who had advantageously done some buttock contests with one or other of her friends, she who believed hard as iron to the powerful power of her ass on men, finally decided to throw aside her head back to look at the movement of the penis and of the two fingers that broke her. With little grumbles of satisfaction, Pierre understood that she was ready to be taken by two men at once. He saw Dan settling down against Françoise’s buttocks and this image pleased him. He did not remember any details of Dan’s body, but as soon as Dan kissed the young woman who haunted him, he agreed to give him Françoise’s ass.
They lay upon each other for a long time. She began to wave her body again and she gently rocked her lover on the waves that were born in the hollow of her kidneys. Every once in a while, when his head approached him, she would grab his partner’s lips and pour him a few hot saliva. She then pressed harder on her thighs, planted deeper on the man’s sex to push him down to crush the mattress and sink into the water. Then they let themselves be lifted by the reflux, invaded by a feeling of lightness accentuated by the dance of their tangled bodies on the mirrors. Three couples were actually moving. They were the others, they were themselves and all loved each other!
The orange room
After the shower, Françoise agreed to enter the room in orange colors. It was like an incubator, so warm were the shades of lights. At the back, leaning against the mirrors that lined the lower half of the wall, two couples were active. You had to wait two to three minutes for the eyes to adjust to the clarity, to clearly distinguish who was there.
Pierre had sat against the wall in front of the front door. Françoise stood on the same side but a little more in the corner. In front of them, three other couples looked like Pierre and Françoise; among them Pierre recognized Laurie and Dan. In the back of the room, of the two couples, the one on the left captured the attention. The other was lying and caressing looked at the first from time to time. However, Pierre and Françoise had the best view of the first couple.
The man leaning against the mirror stood on the left elbow and his right hand caressed the woman’s sex. She faced the room and stood on her elbows, with a part of her back resting on the man’s chest. She leaned back to the left to give more freedom to the man’s hands over her breasts, her sex. She lifted her thighs by laying the soles of her feet flat. His head went forward, backward and it was above all the movement of his long hair that allowed him to follow the rhythm. She was tall and the brightness added to her full tan. At a sign from the man, she stopped his movement and looked at Peter who was closest to observing them. Her hair surreptitiously stroked her chest, each of her heavy and firm breasts whose excellent outfit was due to regular physical exercises. The man removed his hand to allow Peter to look at it fully. In this pose, she could not be more beautiful! His abundant fleece could not hide his swollen sex. The lips remained apart and the entrance of the vagina was visible. The man’s hand moved slowly. The man’s eyes stared at Peter. Immediately the woman began to bend her body by amplifying the caresses that the man gave her. Soon the sound of the creases of flesh flooded with cyprine rising under the pressure of the hand to invade the room. It was the lapping of the waves. The couple was surrounded by this noise that generated the powerful reminiscence of the sea… a sea that flowed down the woman’s thighs.
The second couple stopped to better share this atmosphere. This magnificent evocation brought together two lovers and nature, water, wind, sea, beach, rocks… Pierre was amazed by the unsuspected spectacle that this woman and this man gave him. This noise spoke of water, an elementary force capable of supporting an absolute.
Pierre remembered the tantras. The couple did not exhibit any vice but it offered the sharing of a passion that in its absolute was well and truly pure! The emotions were no longer at a trivial reactive stage but they rose to a plane of pure energies, in a vibratory and purifying unit.
It changed him so profoundly from the squeaks of the springs that the mattress of their bed had finished well one day by smiling. Ever since, he had to control his energy so as not to awaken children, neighbors. This constraint had not put him on the trail of this magic rhythm, of this tide that was able to recreate a woman.
Pierre stared at Laurie. She too was taken over by this elementary force of the sea, she too had purified her will to rise to this vibratory unity. Pierre concluded that Laurie was able to understand Tantrism and that she could be a yogin. The man activated the movement and led the woman to a violent orgasm that manifested itself in the extreme camber that her body took. She screamed softly, moaned, struggled to calm her breath, then turned to come and kiss her man for a long time. She was hanging from her neck and Pierre could admire all her back, her hair, her buttocks, her long legs that fit into her lover’s…which kept them apart and allowed you to see the gaping sex under your buttocks. She remained a good time as well and Peter had time in abundance to engrave this vision in his memory.
The second couple took over. He had started kissing and fondling again. Pierre stared at Laurie and Pierre. They were naked and their hands embraced could suggest that they caressed each other. Pierre also got naked and undressed Françoise in the process, which he disliked. Then, like the other couples, Peter looked at the man and woman who loved each other. The woman was lying on her back and the man, on his knees, had come to lift her pelvis to penetrate between her legs, to lay her on her thighs. She had crossed her legs behind the man’s back to better secure herself to him during the journey and this was seen in the mirror. He held her firmly towards him by the hips and she had thrown back her swinging arms, abandoning herself entirely to the penetration of the man. The timing of their movements was very harmonious. The look was mainly on the undulation of the female body. Its flexibility was captivating and magnificent the amplification of the original movement imprinted by man. The fleece crowned the highest part of the female body and it could be believed that this cushion which received the vigorous pushes of the male, had the gift of attenuating them, of transforming them into these languorous undulations which gave the female body this flexibility, this lightness, this incomparable grace. Very quickly the breathing and then the screams of the woman accompanied the movements.
Once again, the release of this primary force, now evocative of the blended wind and fire, purified the acts and gestures. Previously, the other woman had shouted little. She gave free rein to her enjoyment and in fact, all, including her lover, were hanging on to this voice, to these cries that went crescendo. Only one question now filled the mind: how far could this rise in pleasure go?
Pierre for a brief moment began to observe the reaction of the other spectators. Laurie leaned her head against Dan’s shoulder. They masturbated each other openly and gently, fully captivated by the spectacle. The first couple was lying sideways watching. Françoise also watched, captivated. The woman’s cries became unbearable and uncomfortable. Something, a thought learned one day could make you think this was indecent and yet your mind received these cries as calls, as something fantastically beautiful because true, naturally true, absolutely naked and true… pure! It was the nakedness of the inside of the body that came out and blossomed to invade your own body! The man became more violent and carried away his partner’s body until he lifted it and hit it on the mattress to rebound. The wind and fire came to clash with the earth and the concert of primary forces became deafening, absolutely stunning, of fantastic purity! The breadth of the kidney strokes that the lover gave allowed to see part of his penis entering and leaving the female body. Nothing was hidden; everything was true. The cries grew closer to form an explosion of sounds first acute and then deeper and deeper until they died in a kind of squealing without breath, without voice. The movements stopped and the man remained welded to the woman’s pelvis. The audience noticed that he took the time to empty himself completely into her as if even the last drop of his pleasure was not enough to extinguish the fire of his pleasure in her.
Then together, the two women stood up. They turned to the mirrors for comb. Peter caught them watching, desiring that they should know the effects they had caused. One after another, they picked up their lingerie and followed by men, very straight and worthy, they went out of the room; they must have known each other! Laurie and Dan followed suit. Françoise suddenly got up and had just enough time to take the door that Dan had open for her. She thanked him spontaneously in French and he gave her a big smile. Pierre, still sitting, watched, which earned him the wrathful looks of Françoise. He went out, too. It was a good time to go out to eat and following Laurie and Dan, they went to the dining room.
After a quick shower, the two other couples joined just as a table in the corner of the room had just opened. After questioning themselves by looking at the four couples, this task was facilitated by the presence of a U-shaped bench seat that allowed them to tighten. Once he was all seated, he had to go and help himself to the buffet. The two women pushed the table to stand and with their hands, they waved to Laurie and Françoise to accompany them. The men waited. Pierre watched the four women head for the buffet.
The one who had played first wore a champagne body whose bottom was in the shape of a thong. The other wore a loose sandy-colored panty with lace on the sides and that was it. Laurie had a more sophisticated outfit: a small white bodice with laces on the front, a Brazilian slip, a white garter rack with white stockings. Her tan was also visible. Françoise did not go away at all among them and this flattered Pierre. His outfit, although more classic, strapless and small flowered panties, was made of silk bought by Pierre.
The four were almost the same size: they were big and about six feet tall. Peter understood that lingering longer in this contemplation could seem awkward to other men, and bringing his gaze back to them, he opened the discussion in German. Did they come here often? …this was the first time. Where did they come from? …and they introduced themselves. The first woman’s man was Werner, from Basel. The other was named Sepp and came from Mannheim. They were about the same age: mid-forties. Dan introduced himself and then Pierre.
They were a decade younger. The men then gave their wives’ names: respectively Barbara, Sandra, Laurie and Françoise. Dan and Peter’s names caught the eye. Sepp questioned Pierre, and he was pleased to note that the “französiche lebensart” was still raging across the Rhine. As for Dan, Sepp was rather embarrassed to question him, already knowing that he was an American soldier. The Swiss looked friendly but rather discreet. And then the women came back, their plates full. Françoise was still at the buffet making up her mind when the men joined her. She gave way to them and Pierre saw that his plate was half empty. Knowing his wife’s appetite after physical exertion as well as the tortuous nature of his decisions, he had to admit that for her the meal began badly because gone like that, she was going to remain hungry, the primary cause of bad mood in her.
Once all of them sat down and while the women had not exchanged conversations, immersed themselves in the caloric evaluation of each other’s plates so as to reassure themselves intimately about the gourmet choice that had prevailed over them, Sepp revived the conversation.
The dining room was just noisy as people talked, some tables more than others and those regulars did not make the best effect. Here, the prize went to a table of people in their sixties, regulars who smoked heavily while playing loudly cards, monopolizing places for the exhausted lovers of trying to eat. Sandra in German criticized them, but this table could not hear.
Sepp then addressed Françoise in very correct French. He talked about the myth of the French super woman. After answering him, and as a courteous businesswoman, she reached out to him to make whatever deal she wanted. This surprised the whole table, but Sepp, a gentleman, managed to keep his hand to make a refined kiss. This bit of humor finally relaxed the atmosphere and laughter succeeded those of Françoise. Laurie, who was next to her, took her hand and eyes in her eyes, in an impeccable French without a foreign accent, told her that she usually did not kiss a woman’s hand but something else. The smile they exchanged reached Peter through general hilarity.
She was definitely interested in this woman! It must have been her, the author of the lines he had retained. He dwelt for a moment on this face brimming with life. He disregarded the blond hair touching the bottom of his neck, went from his fine nose to the sharp and well symmetrical angles, raised his full cheeks gently dotted with slight freckles, measured the depth of his eyebrow arches to find that this depth could not conceal the protruding character of his large blue eyes to the piercing, deep glances. Pierre remembered a woman painter with whom he once discussed esotericism. At the end of their interview, this artist had confessed to her that she had found confirmation of her first words. From then on she had seen that Peter’s eyes were exorbited eyes, suitable for being a medium. Laurie’s eyes could also fall into the category of medium eyes. Yogin or medium? Did she know or was Pierre going to tell her?
He recalled the sentence: “i fell in love today and forever, until after i die again!” What did she mean “after I die? What did she know?
Peter had learned that the passage of death reveals Love and that what we live on earth afterwards means that what we knew before this passage is nothing but poor human love…but poverty!
Now Laurie’s eyes, which were probably medium eyes, came to reinforce the first impression he had had. How did she guess that Françoise was not at all insensitive to the charms of Sapho? He knew this because Françoise had confessed to him once that he had missed since the time of her adolescence when she had combined the range of emotions and physical sensations with some of her best friends high school or student. Everything in Laurie’s expression indicated that she had not simply externalized one of her fantasies but that, with knowledge of the facts, she had addressed a disciple like Sapho’s. That was how they exchanged their message and Peter decoded it! What a look Laurie had!
Pierre deduced from this that he would have to deal with a strong party. He could not go further in his thoughts. Françoise gave him a few elbows in the ribs to bring him to the table. All stared at him with a perplexed look and a little mockery. It is true that getting away so quickly from such a hubbub and such a charming company, although very close, showed a solid ability to detach himself from everything to dream… as an accomplished sportsman, Pierre would however have added: a solid ability to concentrate! …In short, the women of a single choir set by Françoise, reprimanded him and questioned him. A dreamer, who does he dream of? …women? …and which ones, all or one? …which one is mine? Is that me? What about me?
He smiled at them and told them that they were all part of his dream. By the way, why not do it! He would have plenty of time later to take Laurie aside. Moreover, she looked at him with such a compassionate air that he concluded that, as a colleague, she shared by experience the pain of leaving those moments of detachment and happiness… moments when the spirit draws you into a communion with all that lives around you… the beginnings of a communion otherwise much more blessed and that one could know from this carnal and earthly life. Laurie was able to share this because she had to know these moments! She knew that there was a hidden face in Peter just as there was in her. She had just opened the door to this secret garden, and in her compassionate gaze, Peter found there the assurance of sharing the joys and sorrows that dotted this path.
Pierre thought about the pain. He had always kept control of his conduct so as not to sink into madness. Through the experience that he felt possible, his journey log, which was very full of vital encounters, was to serve him so as not to get lost with Laurie. He chased away his dark ideas and plunged his eyes into his plate. The others had almost finished theirs. But the glasses were still full. He raised his head, raised his glass and threw a warm “zum wohl”. The others raised their glasses. Sepp repeated Pierre in rough French: “nicht zum wohl but to love!” and everyone pursued “to love!”, including Françoise. Pierre let himself go with a wide smile. He had nevertheless managed to bring about among themselves this first moment of communion, a natural duty of a poet for whom poetry consists above all in acting on ways of life. He was glad to have found a place and companions to live more conspicuously as a poet.
When Pierre had emptied her plate, Barbara hastened to declare in French that after eating well, she wanted to move on to other things and not just caresses, that she wanted to be screwed! Sandra in German in turn said she wanted to be screwed again! Laurie in English says she was waiting for that. Françoise had trouble saying anything. Sepp beat her and, in French, explained that a French woman was always ready for this. Before she defended herself, Laurie, in French, intervened: “ready for the best in love, and I’ll do it!” Sepp had to abandon his prey and he was rebuffed by Sandra who for the moment wanted to keep him close to her.
At this point, they got up and went back to the first floor. The room with warm colors was deserted. The eight of them took their clothes off and settled there.
Françoise used to always wait for someone to take her panties off. Laurie took the opportunity and rushed over. Françoise liked to resist and fight a little before giving in. She did the same with Laurie, but soon gave him the pleasure of showing everyone his last piece of cloth. Blown away by their bickering, they lay face to face on the side.
Laurie patted her face. Françoise came closer and kissed him. In these cases, the decision was always taken by the Crown. While giving each other pleasure, they exhibited themselves freely. Once they were full, they lay face to face, their legs tangled, their hands clasped.
Dan and Peter wanted to get closer to their companions. The place they had taken meant that now Pierre was closer to Laurie and Dan to Françoise. They thought no more. The communion of these two women had given them an identity hitherto unknown. Either way, one owned part of the other and vice versa. They approached the nearest woman to hug her.
Pierre had no time to analyze the contact with Laurie’s body that she had turned around and, with her eyes down, she abandoned herself in her arms. Françoise at the same time had done the same with Dan. Seeing this and not to interfere in the exchange that was beginning, while the show was over, the two other couples took a little distance and looked after themselves. Pierre saw that Françoise was already receiving Dan between her thighs. He then inquired to take this woman who had so suddenly revealed himself to him. Laurie, also aware of the turn of events, was willing to take her time, not to give in to any carnal impulse but to develop this alchemy between their bodies and their minds capable of taking them away… very far!
How long has he been making love to her? …He had gone from his right cheek, from the lobe of his ear, from his neck, from the scent of his hair to go all over his body. He had gone everywhere with his lips, his nose, his eyes, often his tongue, and at every turn, Laurie had bent, turned, opened more. She knew that by letting her lover wander like a fool over the vastness of her territory, deep in her domain, he would end up losing the notion of time and it would be to her all that excessive time of which she had made the foundations of her most intimate life, the most to her. Peter had thrown himself into this quest for female space knowing that the moment would come when, lost on this soothing flesh, he would only have to seize these moments of wonderful and powerful sensations. And stronger than he would squeeze them, these moments would disappear, while others would arise since he had not left this skin, this heat, this fragrance! …This movement would accelerate, he would swallow it, pursuing time while he held this feminine space.
Just as he had known him with the body of Françoise, Pierre knew that by possessing the spaces of this female body, he held in the palms of his hands the warmth of a life, the beating of a heart capable of rhythming the prodigious exchange between this liberating bewitching and this beneficent heat condition of the fusion of beings, captivating source that would infallibly bring him back to this carnal life. By taking full possession of Laurie, he could not avoid assessing what contribution this woman could make to her work as a poet. In the event of problems, was this female presence which had participated in the communion of the flesh, by the sole force of human love, capable of triggering the saving prayer which it, even lost in the hereafter, through the intercession of the Higher Being, could capture? …
Then the spirits would meet and his body would return more surely. The partner simply had to not notice any of these momentary removals, of these minimal decorations. Once the absence of the poet was discovered, she had to resort to saving prayer or, if she was perfectly aware of this kind of advanced technique, she had to, when the time came and calculated, if the poet was not back within a reasonable time, pray to the Higher Being to bring her lost lover back beyond the limits of thought… technique more advanced than the simple act of making love…
By experience this time proved, Pierre trusted this body language much more than the rhetoric of his mind! The marital status had somewhat stifled the spontaneity with which young lovers, Françoise and him, had played these powerful sensations. They no longer took the time of long afternoons or endless nights of love, and Peter had resigned himself to no longer seeking to leave his body when it, exhausted by love, was no longer useful to him. At the time, he abandoned her joyfully, her head on the chest of his mistress and her, stroking her hair while drowning herself, she was happy to wait thus for her lover of a poet who one day would take her also to those time-spaces where, when he returned to her, nourished eternity their loves, the burning body of a new fever stirred by the indelible mark of an indescribable light unknown here below. Pierre had the feeling through the warmth of Laurie’s body that he had just found a mistress capable of transmitting to him the elemental force with which he could leave, leave his body on his breasts and leave… leave!
How long has he been making love to her?
He had now passed the stage where time faded in a hellish pursuit. Her mind had been carried away by all the sensations of happiness that Laurie had given her and she had given much more than Peter had thought she would. He decided to find all the moments of his life. These intertwined and the last moment reappeared in its global dimension. Laurie…he could see it all from not so far away. He saw his own body lying on top of her. He perceived that he was in her, but here he was alone. There was only her and an inert body. Here there was only Peter, the ever-present Peter, but he wanted her to come near him and together they would go a part of the way, anywhere but in places where they would be happy forever. He called her again, but she wasn’t moving. She was still laughably down there!
Around Peter, no one had come, and this did not surprise him. This time, he didn’t ask them… and he knew they were there anyway! …So he swallowed his pain and promised to take this young woman on a trip with him one day. He felt that Laurie had a gift for communicating intimately and now that in a very short time they had together crossed the boundaries of social conventions, clothing, frigid prudery to so quickly truly give themselves love, they could go much further! …He swallowed his sorrow and decided to return to take his place near Laurie… provided she had not noticed anything or so by incredible luck, provided she had understood all of this rare moment! Her eyes reopened near Laurie’s face. She was still, her face irradiated with happiness and Pierre read there the first signs of a consummate sharing…
She reopened her eyes and stretched out her lips. After mixing their too much saliva, he agreed to call his gaze. She opened her eyelids wider and from the depths of her eyes, from beneath the gaping black of the pupil, something, someone went up to come into him.
He had not had time to react, it was the time of the one who governs everything and Peter was very happy that he was interested in their loves to deign to come in him. He wanted to blend in with this presence, to give everything to her so that she would remain nothing but a moment more, but already this identity had melted into him.
Pierre was aware of this situation; that was the second time that had happened to him. He vowed never to forget the presence that united him with Laurie. Was it because he had asked Laurie to come to him that this identity, in the absence of Laurie as a whole, had come to him? Peter had already used the power of prayer and successfully! …But then, it was strange, he didn’t seem to pray to anyone other than Laurie! …it was direct prayer and could she have produced this meeting? …Peter, a great escalator of direct ways before the Lord, promised himself to take up this question later… There was one last question: Did Laurie ask this identity to go to the heart of her lover? Did she master that moment, too? Did she remember?
The poet and his muse
Laurie was lying languorously. Pierre saw that she was clutching him with her arms and thighs. When he found all his spirit, he realized that it was still in her. When he left her, he realized that he had given her pleasure. She turned around. Peter settled down in his back and over his shoulder, together they looked around. No one was paying attention to them. Apparently Françoise and Dan had not advanced very much in their pleasure, the others neither. They deduced that for them, from the first glances exchanged, time had accelerated, which had allowed them to live so intensely. Their complicit look this time confirmed to her that she had lived at the same level as him the least moment of their intimacy… even if she had not answered his call.
In Laurie’s eyes, Pierre read the outlines of her own project… for him! She took his hand and left towels and lingerie, and dragged him out. They paid no attention to the couples making love by the pool and headed to the wood and the tall oak, where the night was more present and the silence more respectful of their privacy. The heat of June enveloped them in well-being and the shadows of the forest weaved like an alcove to their loves.
– no… don’t talk!
Pierre was eager to know what she had grasped from their exchange. Laurie wanted a brief moment of respite to find the courage to say the words that stirred her mind, to say them to this man who had taken her without detours and of whom two hours ago she was ignorant until her existence. She spoke to him in French.
– well, you know how to take a woman! You lower his body and you also naturally violate his deepest intimacy. You have a funny nerve! But you’re not scared. Basically, this is the first time this has happened to me and I loved… my Prince Charming would have done no better to break my shackles and release my love. But are you ready to assume everything you’ve just woken up between us? Will you give all the time to live that will demand this love that you have awakened in me? I want to, but you, aren’t you going to run away once your misdeed is done? …If you are not able to find this time, I should have the right to kill you because such an evil being should not be able to continue to cause trouble in souls in this way. You don’t stop at the skin, you don’t even see the flesh and blood of my body, you dig deeper to find people’s souls. What interests you here is not the couple’s club but a possible mess for souls! Do you realize how much damage you could have done if you had run into someone other than me? Who are you then to leave your companion so quickly, rush over me to devour me whole and now look at me with your eyes hung and ears lowered? Would you be so in need of sharing as a loner who can no longer bear to live among the city among others so indifferent to his quest? …You remind me of a wolf, do you know Hermann Hesse’s steppe wolf?
Laurie’s eyes now had the brightness of a medium. Peter was convinced that their two souls were torn with the same breath of life.
“Laurie… my dear Laurie, as you speak well to me.” My name is not Harry Harding and you’re better than Hermine and Maria together!
She was only half surprised by the precise answer of her interlocutor and satisfied with this common thought, she let her trust run further to try to intrude in the intimacy of this strange but cultivated, honest and generous man.
Do you think so? But you are a wolf of the steppes, unable to contain your savagery with which you devour life at night by crushing under your jaws the hearts of the people and which the day lives solitary in the middle of the city! …My wolf, know that I am able to heal you, to love you as few women will know how to love you!
– Then you are like me! Would we be brother and sister somewhere and over there… over there, we could be one? Laurie, can we gather this elsewhere with our present desires, make it a single, limitless process?
Instinctively he had gotten closer to her and she had not sought to escape. He wrapped her with his vigorous arms and stuck himself against her. Already submissive, she stretched out her lips under her closed eyes and they kissed for a long time, speaking their tongues within themselves, while calming the impetuosity of their desire by caresses on their shoulders, their backs. Together, with both hands, they massaged each other’s buttocks and to blow out the sighs that their noses could no longer contain, each one of them let one of their hands hurry towards the other’s sex. Once the pleasure of their sexes spread through their two bodies until they electrified the tip of their tongues, they deigned to separate their lips to let their eyes water themselves with the smiles and happiness of their faces. Pierre dared then to ask him a question for him essential. If Laurie answered correctly then their loves would take on an immeasurable dimension, far from a passing encounter to diligently flirt with the boundaries of eternity.
– Laurie, what can explain this strange attraction between us and what is the strength that makes our union so true, natural and pure?
– Pierre, you know the answer to your questions and I know those questions and their answers. It is inscribed in the depth of our eyes, a depth that neither our tongues, our fingers, our sexes will know how to find by penetrating our intertwined bodies… Higher than our emotions, a vibratory force brought us together in the same movement, the same passion in the sense that passion means movement of our soul! We have touched an absolute from which we can no longer distance ourselves and this absolute purifies our every gesture. The force behind your passion is the air. My strength is fire! You see what it’s gonna do! Do you know Tantrism? Yeah, probably. So we must never again abandon this absolute passion so that everything that will happen to us remains pure and beautiful, unassailable for others…
Pierre couldn’t keep his eyes on his lover. He felt the emotion win him to shed tears of happiness on his cheeks. At last he had found another soul to walk together. Laurie had to be told that he was a poet, a dialog of souls, someone who sought to establish a language of the soul for the soul. Pierre promised to speak to Laurie one day about his way of reading Rimbaud… so many things were now possible! Then they talked to each other. Laurie didn’t want to immediately introduce herself in a familiar way, say that she was her work, that she was her story. Later that night because later there would be, all this could happen. That night was in the mystery of their meeting and she was ready to invest more in this quest for their particular affair. They had opened wide the doors of the mystery of their encounter and they wanted to run out of breath, happy, until they crossed the infinite horizon behind which, one day, had grown the reason for their love born a few minutes ago and fell upon them as a gift from heaven. Laurie and Dan as Françoise and Pierre had rented a room to spend the night at the club; so they had plenty of time. Laurie and Dan had already come here several times and they knew all the habits. Laurie convinced Pierre that Françoise was in good hands with Dan and that she and Pierre could isolate themselves from the others only to find them at breakfast. They had 10 hours ahead of them and every freedom to enjoy it. Pierre looked for two garden armchairs and their cushions. They settled under the old oak tree in a moonlit corner. Side by side, taking her lover’s hand in hers, Laurie let herself go to confidences.
Yes, she wrote: “today I fell in love forever and until after my death again”; what did she know about death? …did she know the way to cross it and then come back? She got sweeter…
– watching you, petting you, kissing you, loving you, letting you out of your body for a moment, I checked that you know the way and someone tells me that I can trust you…Yesterday I fell in love, today I live this crazy love and I have faith in him, I firmly believe that it is possible!
I was just over twenty when my sick father died. I was home alone and shook his hand until his body became inert and started to cool down. I had stayed close to him for a long time while my mind had followed him far, far away. My father told me to go home. He went further, to his house, to our house, but I did not go there and never again did I have the opportunity to go back to him. You who so quickly comes out of your body to contemplate the union of our carnal envelopes, haven’t you been there and that your memory keeps track of this path? It is not with men that you have learned to search souls like you have just raped mine! You’ve been at the end of your path and you know how to get back there… take me one day, just once! …With my father, I was in a state of decay. Like you, I know what it is and it’s thanks to this experience that I felt your decorations earlier. My view of life and death, of extrasensory experiences is quite different today, just like yours! It was magnificent and I am still very happy about it today, but I look forward to satisfying this throbbing desire to leave there so that I will not be left behind the door, but for this time to go through it and fill my soul with the divine light that so many of the testimonies of those who made this journey with their souls, this passion. It is thanks to this experience that I understood what mysticism is and the path of passion, of true passion and not of the path to the cross of torture. I caught in your gaze a little bit of that light of the afterlife that at the time I had only seen through the door between open. As for my French, my father was a soldier and then a journalist in Paris. I lived in Paris for almost twenty years… I only went to the States to finally get married and return with my military husband to Germany… come here a few times to finally find you… my companion from another trip! Will you take me with you as hard as you just loved me, you who didn’t just kiss my mouth, my breasts, my buttocks, my sex and who also had the will to kiss my soul?
The simplicity of this confession was purity itself. He would never have been able to discern and trust. After the doors of her body, she opened her soul! What was that meeting? She got up to stick to him, she put her hands around his neck and naturally he shook her, his hands digging her lover’s kidneys. Mindful of the heat they exchanged, they did not see the moon disappear from the few clouds that passed in the sky. Soon, its rays bathed the clearing again. He wanted to see her under that light and they got up. Laurie stood tall, tall, and to make her taller, he kneeled before her. She understood her thoughts and, by laying her hands on him in this sacramental ritual, as she felt that night she had already done in ancient times on the head of this same lover, she took the oath that came spontaneously to her lips:
– in the search for our future time and always, I take you as knight, guide, priest, lover. For you, I will be princess, priestess, muse, fairy as you will of me!
In turn, he stood and she kneeled
– I receive you as my princess, my muse, my fairy and I will earn for you our future time in the land of our home… as you will want me!
He helped her get up, exchanged a chaste kiss. As they stood face to face without knowing what to do, he saw something on the ground shining under a moonbeam. He guessed it was a shard of a bottle, certainly a can of beer that a well-mannered host had broken there. He looked for the shard, cleaned it briefly, took Laurie’s arm, made a slight notch in it so as to shed some blood. She let herself be startled. When her blood appeared, she took Peter’s arm to do the same. He felt nothing. Under the brightness of the moon which was piercing among the low branches of the old oak, they mixed their blood and then, presenting each one of their arms to the mouth of the other, they pressed their lips on the incision to make a compression point after swallowing the blood. Soon the blood stopped flowing.
– American-Parisian from my heart… how do you get your blood so hot?
– curious go! Leave me alone. Think about what we did tonight. …we could have not done so and how much would we have remained poor, poor in our sufficient smallness of human misery!
– you, Laurie, you read Reich but you were never a little man! You are my princess, my fairy who bewitches my life and stirs my soul!
He told her that line slowly, seriously.
– idiot! …are you still so stupid with your wife? She has a nice ass, you know, your wife!
– yes, i saw it when you licked it!
She let her good mood shine
– I liked it!
Lying again on their garden chairs, Pierre counted all the common points, the stars, that they had discovered: Hesse, Reich, the tantrism, the mysticism, the experience of the path that crosses death, their bodies made for the fullest sharing of their pleasures, the knowledge of the language of the bodies… their will to arrive at the end of the path, the fact that Laurie knows French so well! Laurie doesn’t like this moment of reflection and calm.
– you are married and you have children, a very busy job and you wonder if you are not ready to betray the oath we have just pronounced… You let yourself be carried away by a passion that is certainly very pure but you already ask me to understand that to the impossible no one is bound! Is that right?
– no, you’re not there…why would it take so long to move forward on this path? Look, tonight, everything’s going really fast and we’re happy. Tomorrow it can go much faster!
– I don’t understand how you want to progress so fast on this path. I said the word Tantrism earlier and it seems to me that you know it too. More than speed, it requires a long learning process to master all the energies of the universe that are found in the human body. Let’s start from this starting point. Like me, if you think you are following a tantric approach, you are ready to abandon the path of Christian mysticism which offers only salvation to the faithful through their respect for the evangelical principles. You are ready to prefer the path of individual initiation that leads to supreme liberation and absolute deliverance. That’s the way I went. I do not expect the salvation of my soul in view of my conduct respecting the rites prescribed by men and corresponding to the divine will. I seek to unite with my soul and from this parcel of divine presence I seek to liberate myself to regain from my earthly life the source of eternity and to know our abode of absolute life. I have departed from the path of the Right Hand, the path of Vishnu who seeks to liberate man from his instincts and to free him from animality. She preaches virtue, discipline, rejects passion, intoxication, excess. I have departed from the path of Apollo that shaped Greece, and that of most religions and mysticism.
– It is also that of Abraham and Moses
– I turned to the way of the Left Hand, that which advocates the breaking, the tearing of all forms of samsara to reach through the Sahmadi to nirvana, that is the way of the return of our soul to God, the radical liberation of the spirit from any convention and from any constraint. This path of Tantrism is a long learning experience for me. This way tells us that there is nothing in the universe, no principle, no energy that is somehow found in the human body and vice versa. To know one is to know the other. Being and knowing are one, he who is the Self is also the Brahmin
Peter made a gesture to stop reciting his profession of faith. Laurie understood, but she wasn’t finished. She reframed his remarks.
Let me guess. We are in favor of the same path, but you are calmer, more passive, your assertiveness is based more on escaping behaviors, you want to escape from this world and you want to take the first path, the path of asceticism and solitude. This is the path of the Shivaites and the way you make love, you could be a Tantric Shivaite even though I have trouble imagining you in extreme situations. You can believe then that my path is the second, most destructive but remarks, I have not yet touched your soul! You think I like to use alcohol, drugs, morally reprehensible acts and especially eroticism to achieve deliverance. Yes, I would be a tantric shivaite and to be even more precise and that corresponds to the little I know of you, you would be the male: Shiva, the calm, immutable and infinite consciousness, the tutelary god of all monks and ascetics, active passivity and I would be Shakti, the female principle, the energy of movement, the universal substance, the complementary nature of the mind, the passive activity. Together Shiva and Shakti are one like us, we can become one from this night!
– for Shiva, you’re right, I’m more of a lone monk or, if you like, a lone wolf, a steppe wolf. As for the Shiva-Shakti couple who are inseparable and one, it reminds me of the Pharaoh. Pharaoh is also above all a sacred couple that unites two opposing principles: the masculine and the feminine in a search for the same original and supernatural androgenity. Our cultural sources are no obstacle to a common understanding of this knowledge.
– you see, I’m not wrong about you. My goal is for you to go back with me on the path of our eternity. You’ve been there, you’ve come back safe and sound, and now you have to go back with someone else. This is your mission and you won’t be able to escape it even if you still feel the enlightenment as a wound. Our roads just crossed and I’ve already pledged to help you. I know perfectly well this fear of returning to human life to speak and teach after contact with death and what happens when our soul is about to leave its carnal envelope when it is the victim of an accident, an injury, a deadly aggression. I’ve already helped men get back on the road after such moments. You will be my yogin because you have a supernatural power and I will be your Shakti, that feminine power that inspires yogin in his asceticism, that attacks his demons and feeds on them so that he may continue the way being more and more liberated!
– yes! Woman is the future of man!
– do you like poetry? Don’t be afraid to answer me, poetry is not an obstacle on this path but nothing beats a good practice of yoga, an awakening of the kundalini and a work on the chakra.
The Dance of Shiva
Pierre made a stronger gesture this time to try to stop the speech of his interlocutor. Laurie condescended to stop his words. She looked at the big round table under the old oak tree and climbed up there. She took the position of the lotus, meditated for a moment and then moved on.
He entered the fascination of this dance on Chinese shadows. His culture made him admit that he was seeing a dance by Shiva. Laurie went from lascivious sequences to frightening transes. The energy that animated the dance did not stop moving ever new forms in a real ecstatic drunkenness. Laurie expended such incredible energy that Pierre agreed that she showed him all the benefit of a long practice of these spiritual disciplines.
This body, it now seemed to him to have caressed, kissed, licked, penetrated in a very remote time. The magic of dancing, the provocation, the eternal turmoil caused by such openly bare femininity opened his mind wide. The synchronization of Laurie’s gestures with the ideas, the emotion that were born in Pierre’s mind, created a beneficial influence, the source of total trust between the poet and his new muse.
Peter was carried to the higher dimensions in search of the driving principle of this exceptional energy and grace. Laurie wasn’t paying attention to him anymore, she seemed to have gone away. In a steady rhythm, she began to violently hit the table with her arms. She no longer felt any pain and struck harder and harder as if to make the sound of her arms hitting the wood more deafening. She leaned forward to extend her arms and then threw her bust back.
Pierre was getting worried. He understood perfectly what Laurie was doing. To a feminine grace, she added the expression of a masculine and warrior force, the dance then became the expression of an unprecedented balance, fabulous between the masculine and the feminine but how far did she want to go? She had passed the stage of pain and if her body could for secular eyes, become stuffed with violence, her spirit had faded before the reunion of her soul with its continuum of space-time all immortality. He had spoken to her when making love, he had been above her in a momentary state of decorations; would she also now go so far as to debody once the trance is finished and her body has fallen inert? Was he supposed to join her? But what was she doing?
Suddenly, Laurie stopped her exaggerated dance. She extended her arm to invite Pierre to join her on the big round table. He did it. She bent her lover’s knees so that she could sit on her thighs. Pierre shudders as he perceives the intense warmth of Laurie’s body. He looked for a few drops of sweat and their sweatness, but his skin found none. He then surrounded her with his arms to hold her all against him and to imbue himself even more with this all-beneficial fire. These moments were good, simply and humanly good, far from all taboos.
Pierre wondered who could not appreciate such moments, such a dance, such a strong and captivating human warmth. Laurie was right: through the sarcasm or disdain of his neighbors, he had isolated himself and became a sort of steppe wolf. He couldn’t lie to himself. he liked Hermann Hesse’s book though…He imagined something even worse for Harry.
Did she really believe that the meeting of a Hermine and a Maria could bring the wolf out of his den to educate him in fox-trot or boston? Apparently Laurie presented him with a completely different program that is certainly forbidden in social salons. Peter had hitherto admitted the fate of the cursed poets, the martyred and killed prophets. He believed in the atonement sacrifice, in the abandonment of the body as the price of the deliverance of the soul but not in the remission of the carnal life and now Laurie was laughing under his nose!
– I’ve always dreamed of taming a man like you by dancing like this in front of him… Because you have reached a supreme degree in initiation and as the tradition of Greek mysteries also prescribes for those who have reached this degree of initiation, you are entitled to see the image of the woman completely naked and in my dance I have taken care to show you all the curves, all the forms that can take even the most intimate parts of my body. Never has Dan seen me dance like this with such provocation! In my work, I don’t have the right to do it so enjoy it! Do you really like it or do you not trust it? Think about it, it’s an important question!
Yogin and its shakti
– Laurie… you think you tame me by provoking me and you are wrong! I love you and I don’t distrust what comes from you. I know like you that we can develop new powers of consciousness and like you I have learned to be wary of these supernormal powers that can disrupt the relationship with our soul. But let me quote Paul Eluard: “i don’t love myself, i love my loves, i don’t impose them but i defend them”. This love I am able to defend even against you if you did not want it because more than you, I need this source of love in which we are one and that since eternity! Beware of supra-normal powers but let your soul travel beyond the stage of deconstruction and find the divine source of love! Defend your love like the poet!
– Oh my wolf! But you’re a poet?
– I am your yogin and you must rid me of my demons, tempt me with the most lascivious poses of your body and the most torrid eroticism to the point of making me perfectly happy and free to love like never one can love! I would rather become that than remain an illustrious unknown poet among all the people who have nothing to say or dare not speak!
– Do you know that a Shakti also has the power to destroy, the power to illuminate yogin by subjecting it to horrible suffering, the power to save it by pretending to lose it? But rest assured! There are two reasons why I shouldn’t hurt you. Listen to me, this is very serious!
First, there is a doctrinal reason. Tantrism has no serious intention of upsetting the established order. His perspective is neither political nor social, but initiatory, individual. It does not take social castes into account and it is very close to a spiritual anarchism. He is optimistic because each person, by his individual energy and whatever his social position, can achieve supreme liberation. Of course, he is also pessimistic, because he envisions humanity not as progress, but as regression. It’s for a fallen man, the poisoned modern man. Our time is tantric in the negative and dangerous sense that it has awakened an energy that it is less and less able to master, the energy of fascists and nuclear energy. So as the doctrine says, I should serve you as a potion all these misfortunes of the world so that as a tantric shivaite yogin I can help you turn this poison into a cure. You see, the misfortunes I bring you will only serve this purpose: to become cures!
– Like in Baudelaire where the alchemist of the verb turns mud into gold! As also in the Christian church where sins must be expiated and presented to Christ to transform them for salvation for our soul…this, however, represents a spoliation of tantric capacity for man, a confiscation of it for the benefit of the clergy under the guise of the divination of this capacity alone! And this divination still serves as an excuse to the members of the clergy for their inability to turn these woes themselves into remedies, those servants of God who can only present our sins and our woes to him in their prayers of intercession to him! What spiritual impoverishment to reinforce this claim of the followers of the temporal and spiritual power of the papacy! There is the presence of the law of monopoly which, in order to become rich, impoverishes its environment! And you wouldn’t be able to hurt me?
Yes! I’m still unable to hurt you because in my professional life, I’m in too much trouble to blame anyone again! I think you need to learn a little about my life here!
Laurie was ready to go back to her youth.
In a soft, calm, measured voice, she told her lover in more detail.
Laurie’s childhood in Paris
Born in Paris, she had spent her youth and adolescence there. She began her schooling at the Notre-Dame des Oiseaux school in Auteuil, a neighborhood where her parents lived, and her father insisted that she attend the Alsatian school. Finally she had crossed the Luxembourg Gardens to study psychology at the Sorbonne.
His father had been a soldier and a journalist. A member of an OSS commando during the war, he had served during the French campaign on General Bradley’s staff. At his request, he had maintained close ties with the French resistance forces, which had been merged into the First French Army. He had asked to fight in Alsace during the winter of 1944-1945 next to former maquis comrades and he had been one of the first Allied officers to visit the Nazi extermination camp of Struthof. For a long time as a military advisor at the American Embassy in Paris, he did not want to leave Paris when France left NATO to join Heidelberg where a post was waiting for him. He wrote for newspapers and it was at this time that he had taken his wife in the person of a young girl from a family long friends of his in Philadelphia. A year before he died, he had moved to Philadelphia and Laurie, who had just completed her studies, had followed her parents.
Laurie becomes surogate
In Philadelphia, a friend of his father’s, an aging psychologist, had offered him a bit of a joke to put their psychological knowledge into practice with the help of his youth and his undeniable feminine charms… all this during secret therapies with sensual magic and for the good of the sick. The ties with this old friend quickly turned into clandestine complicity. This enlightened old man had understood certain things of human existence and was looking for an accomplice to put his life lessons into practice.
By challenge, she had agreed to become a “surogate”. She had become the partner of men who had to do practical exercises to overcome inhibitions, obsessions or sexual problems: premature ejaculation, pedophilia, abnormal sexual impulses, etc… She had been doing this activity for a few months, which allowed her to live while continuing her vague higher education before she met Dan.
She confessed to Pierre that she had learned to love those intimate moments when the truth of beings is more intensely sought and that she loved to feel the power that was able to express itself from her body, from her nakedness, from her entire femininity. This experience had enabled him tonight to go without fear to meet Peter and to read carefully through the deep glances of his lover. She told him again that without this prior experience, like many other women, she would have been shocked by such contact and outraged by such intrusiveness into the most secret corners of her soul.
Laurie and Dan
Dan had come to consult the psychologist following an accident at the shooting range.
He had just come out of West Point and was in charge of recruiting. During grenade throwing training, soldiers were required to throw the explosive behind a wall into a pit. A detonation had not occurred after a throw and as an officer it was Dan with a bayonet at the end of a long stick to walk on the wall looking for that grenade to blow it up with a new one.
That day, a sergeant wanted to take over the operation and Dan let him do it. No sooner had he begun the search than the grenade exploded, taking him into the pit and killing him.
Dan felt guilty for allowing such an inexperienced non-commissioned officer to do so. This left a deep impression on him, especially that he had not fully recovered from the stress he had experienced during his studies and had come out of the early stages of his promotion. Soon, he lost all motivation. He felt this death as a stain on a uniform that should one day shine under the highest military responsibilities. This attitude began to jeopardize his career when he was advised to go and meet a psychologist.
He chose Laurie’s father’s friend because this psychologist was known to have taken care of former military personnel. The psychologist, desperate for expedients, risked offering him a relaxation session with Laurie. She waited for him in the room of the usual motel, naked as usual, opened the door to him and hanging on to him, she dragged the handsome officer to bed. She just had time to tell him that here it was she who commanded, that Dan confessed to defeat and he made love to her with all his strength, giving himself totally without any more shame of him.
Laurie, laughing, attested that in a few minutes Dan had chased away his black ideas and discovered the woman of his life. Blushing this time, Laurie confessed that it had been enough for her to meet Dan’s gaze under her officer’s hat once, for a second, for her to fall in love with him. Laughing, she explained that after Dan left, she wondered if she had torn his uniform because she didn’t know how he got naked so quickly.
He came back a second time to continue treatment, and that time he had her dressed and spent the afternoon on a terrace at a beachfront cafe. He had spoken of his ideal as a young American officer and a good psychologist who graduated from the Sorbonne. She had quoted Pavese to him:
“there is nothing more traumatic than not having reached your ideal, if not having realized it.”
Dan had quickly agreed with her that having an ideal is a way of dreaming and that the dream is Maya.
She had told him about her spiritual path enlightened according to Oriental teachings and she had also told him what she had perceived of her father’s military ideal. This discussion on the Atlantic had been much appreciated by them and Laurie confessed to Pierre that she had, that late afternoon, enjoyed climbing behind the handsome officer the rocks of the coast to a small deserted beach where she had allowed herself to be undressed and loved as never before.
He had accepted that she would continue her activity to care for people in need as he was convinced of the saving powers of a surogate. In Europe, when she had followed her officer, Laurie had not resumed this activity, which she regretted because she felt that she could thus treat her patients better than by giving them medication. She had taken an interest in the customs of the Germans and had found the address of this club. She enjoyed the evenings here at Amadeus and Regina’s, and today she was happy to have met Pierre. She continued with equal serenity:
Laurie treats soldiers traumatized by the war.
– I work in a military hospital near here, on the side of Pirmasens where we live. I deal mainly with psychological trauma that follows nervous shocks due to violence, pain caused by torture, scenes of massacre. The first therapies to make the patients tell themselves have not given anything positive and we are making them follow heavier treatments. I’m also in contact with neurologists who do electroencephalograms or sometimes trephination.
In some, the shock was too violent and the patient is irretrievable, he goes to the insane asylum. The American army is treating a lot of people here before sending them back to their families in the States. They are deposited in Ramstein or directly in Frankfurt. Sometimes I get called for consultations in Wiesbaden… here we are quiet, I can work better with my patients but I am not allowed to use certain practices.
I can’t work with them like a surogate or do them Shiva dances! I am currently working on an international working group that is trying to care for the victims of the tragedy in the former Yugoslavia, we are receiving a number of them here in Germany and with Dan, during his leave, we went three times to Zagreb and I have to return there more often in the coming months.
I do not know whether this is a humanitarian ideal, and therefore largely a dream, or whether medical treatment is possible to alleviate the horrors experienced in these thousands of minds. Every day, I’m going to be around the atrocities committed by criminals and terrorists, so, you understand, I’m not going to go through all this again with you.
I want to know light, life!
Together I want to know the light, the life, the happiness of finding our eternity. I can’t ask Dan or other friends this because they haven’t been through their way yet. On the other hand, I have already accompanied my father and some sick people on the road that starts from this earthly existence and now I want to go there and go there immediately as long as I have found you because I fear I can no longer bear all these cruelties.
You see, Pierre, I work in the misery of men and I can’t change much, it’s very far from Tantrism!
– You turn some misfortunes into healing, it’s not as far as you say.
– Do you think I’m healing a lot with the methods imposed?
– Does Dan practice these oriental disciplines with you?
– we often do sophrology together, have you ever done one?
No, never. I’ve heard about it. On this side, I am a real ignorant but I want to learn!
– well! Let’s do a sophronic descent… This is the first time you and Françoise have come here, isn’t it? This is the sixth or seventh time in a year that we have been in the Federal Republic of Germany. At this time, around 1 a.m., most couples rest before leaving. They’re in the restaurant. Soon, there will be only couples sleeping here and a few others who are particularly excited.
Between 1:00 a.m. and 2:00 a.m., you’ll also see a lot of lonely men entering the rooms. Their tired, sex-starved wives chat with one another in the living room or restaurant, and allow their males to run with the few remaining women. The latter generally waited for these late hours to finally enter the dance. They know that they will have all these men at their disposal alone and that there will be only a few of them in each room. Among this reduced assistance, they will be able to let their unbridled sexuality run free. Believe me, these are the hottest times in the club.
I’ve only discovered this practice since our last two nights here. It was after the first experience of these particular hours that I wrote in the guest register the lines you read… It’s magical, all those hands that stroke you, those sexes that touch you, penetrate you wherever they can. Usually two women lie next to each other and they excite each other in a kind of contest where wins the one who has been furthest in his pleasure and has given pleasure to the greatest number of men and women.
You see, Pierre, we haven’t wasted our time together and a good sophronic descent will definitely put us in line to explode right now among all these carnal pleasures… What? Are you already sulking your Shakti’s first offering? …Let yourself go a little on my way to me! You’ll stay close to me and I want to see you screw all the women in the room where we’ll be! We’ll take quite a few condoms in the box upstairs in front of the rooms and I’ll put them myself to you with my mouth… yes, you’ll see, I’m sure you don’t know how to put them!
You see, my wolf, I’m more direct and fast than Hermine and Maria combined, but that’s normal! … I am your Shakti, your goddess of love and all the pain you will put into making love to all these women will become one of your best remedies of life… if….si!
The sophrology exercise
Laurie departed from Pierre, but they remained seated in tailor on the large round table. Laurie took a calm and measured voice to invite Pierre to follow her in a sophronic descent.
Françoise and Dan had perceived the slowdown in the rhythm of the evening and, leaving the other two couples behind, they had started looking for their respective spouses. Françoise enjoyed herself in the company of Dan and she tried to talk to him in English. He had massaged her sensually after the shower, which she loved, and she had agreed to follow him into the dark room with diabolical masks for new moments of disturbing intimacy.
However, he was concerned about Peter’s temporary disappearance. She knew that he was not used to taking the first steps in such circumstances; Was he under Laurie’s thumb and what had she done with it? After a good quarter of an hour of searching in the house and around the swimming pool, Dan had the idea of looking for them at the edge of the forest under the large oak tree. He beckoned Françoise to approach in silence. They stayed in the dark to listen to what Laurie said. After a few minutes Dan explained to Françoise that Laurie and Pierre were doing sophrology exercises. He came out of the darkness to show his wife and she abbreviated the exercise to return to normal perception.
The blue room
Dan came to take his wife by the waist and Françoise questioned her husband suspiciously about what he had done. Laurie came to Pierre’s rescue to, admiringly, tell Françoise and Dan their discussion of the oriental wise men. Pierre congratulated Laurie and Dan for their commitment to the humanitarian cause and for their work on behalf of the victims of the conflict in the former Yugoslavia. Françoise, surprised, confessed that with Dan, they had not sought to know each other any more. Laurie, a teaser, jumped at the chance to make her tell that she had let herself go to make love again with Dan. She went so far as to predict that Dan had taken her doggy-style into the darkroom. Françoise, a little confused, replied affirmatively. Laurie took a professorial tone to explain to her that before one o’clock in the morning, there was only in this darkroom where couples took conspicuous positions. Now, however, the four of them could go into the blue room or the hammock room and do whatever they liked.
Françoise expressed her satiety and her beginning of fatigue. As she dragged Pierre and Dan by the hand, Laurie started laughing. Françoise appealed to her own love to follow them. In the blue room, three young couples loved each other. the girls rode alongside their men. They showed their backs to those who entered the room as to the men alone who looked behind the windows of the swinging door. As these couples were at the back of the room, Dan, Pierre, Laurie and Françoise lay down along the wall, perpendicular to the three couples.
They respected the privacy of the first occupants of the room, and as they watched, they waited for them to enjoy themselves. Françoise was lying next to Laurie. When the middle girl threw herself back to observe her two friends and her hand, went to stroke in front of everyone, the buttocks of the other two as well as the sexes on which they were active, Laurie turned to her companion to kiss her gently and share the pleasant trouble that had gripped her in front of this secret show. Then she gave the signal for departure and pulled her husband towards her in the middle of the room, she placed her head in front of Françoise to be taken doggy-style by her man. The other three couples changed positions. The girls placed themselves like Laurie in a circular arc. One of them pulled on Françoise’s legs until she placed her sex at the height of their mouths. She opened her thighs for them wide.
A young man beckoned to Pierre to take his place in front of the buttocks offered, he gave him a condom and then he came to kneel in front of Françoise’s face after having protected her sex also with a condom. The party lasted more than an hour; Every time Laurie asked for a gradation in the postures, the love debates. She hurried several times to guide a penis through her friend’s sex and then, with her fingers, she opened her ass so that she was caught by the men present.
When the three young couples had left exhausted, Laurie insisted that Dan and Pierre stand in front of them. There was no one left in the room or behind the front door. They sucked them in turn until they ejaculated them one last time on their faces, in their mouths then satisfied, in a last kiss, they shared this magnificent gift as a pledge of a deep friendship that no longer needed any protection against a cruel lack of trust. Broken from fatigue, the four went to bed meeting at breakfast. Laurie pulled Pierre by the arm to her bed and Dan took Françoise by the waist to lead her to her room. Pierre saw her disappear down the hall. Dan, as he walked, massaged his buttocks with one hand.
The next appointment
“We’ll be back in two weeks, I hope we’ll see each other again.” At the time of departure, Laurie had said this without concern, with an almost detached air. Pierre didn’t answer, he watched her get into the car.
Day after day Françoise and Pierre had confided in each other the feelings that that evening had manifested themselves. Françoise understood and admitted everything Pierre said to her about Laurie, but at first she did not want to go back to Amadeus and Regina. It was too early for her. She wouldn’t have finished digesting, completely assimilating all those moments. She was happy, and she made the time of the maturation of memories last in her mind.
When Peter understood this, he gave her a short lecture on the apprehension of time, gave her a comparative account of how to measure space and time, and as a good intellectual, a former scientist of Sciences Po, having discovered a hint of common sense or even logic in the fulgurating words of her husband’s poet, she agreed to return on the Friday agreed.